pictures

hey people, here are some of the pictures from dbd and the past holiday.. loads, so enjoy!

this is michel and the gang being scary. this is khai and marcia. lol!

auntie lee choo!

sammie n me!justin and ronnie. @.@ michelle proctor and her powerpuff girls -

mel and sammie, they went home early.

the long house of dbd! :D

dillon, may gan, sammie, joanna, me, christine and marcia! *mwaks babes (and boy)*

this is princess! she's my dog. this pic was taken a while back. i decided to finally reveal her to the world! wakaka.. i sound deranged don't i? oh well.. when we first got her, she could fit through the square grills in the gate. now, only her head fits. @.@ it seems like just yesterday she could fit under my arm. now.. well, if i tried to carry her now, i'd probably fall down and be crushed under her weight.. and then die.. X.X

anyway.. yeah.. i've got nothing better to do.. here r some pics when my mom's good friend auntie peng came back..

first, thats when i went out with my grandma to watch happy feet! *sho cute* so anyway. thats me, sara, my grandma and my mom in front of the fountain at the curve.. this is a nice pic..

thats aunty peng's daughter, amy. she's nice. :D and sara and me.

gotta go!

the story teller

sometimes i sit down and i think that i'm not actually there. its kind of weird to explain. its like you're looking down n yourself and watching your own story unfold before your eyes. but you don't know what happens next. i look at the situations i'm facing but its like i'm not really there... i guess you guys probably think i'm crapping right? haha.. maybe i am.. i honestly don't know how to explain all this.. its like i'm in this alternate universe where i'm watching myself live and berate myself for the shtupit things i do *kee kee*. ahh.. don't know how to explain it.. anyway...

i want.. a waffle. from waffle. belgian waffle. with vanilla ice cream. YUM.

but thenn.. i need to exercise. getting fat again. T.T anyone wanna go swimmin with me? i don't like the gym. maybe i should go dance. but no more classes. ew. the winx look like their heads are too big. O.O anyway. i really want a waffle. i heard that if u get a craving, u should paint ur nails. by the time ur nails have dried, your craving would have gone away. but i don't have any nail polish. @.@ ehat shall i do?

eat somemore. good idea.

oh. and i think i'm getting addicted to the internet. @.@ i should find something else to do. ngiuu.. like.. like..

homework? nah.

housework? nah.

more internet? yeah sounds good to me.

miaow.

@.@

let's pretend you're mine.





we can just pretend.





you got what i like.





you got what i like, i got what you like.





oh, come on.





just one taste and you want more.





so tell me what you're waiting for.





whatever life holds.


we'll face it together.


take my hand.


i'll hold you forever.


in love we'll see the truth.

me n nicole on her carpet at her house.. lol.. marcia was all "CLEAVAGE!!!!!" when she saw this pic.. shh marcia! my secret! anyway.. lol.. i was just thinking the other day and i was like, wow, how long have nicole and i been friends? 10 years now? we met in ballet.. and we've gone on trips to singapore together *with our families of course*.. to watch dance productions.. even right here in Kl we've gone to watch dance productions.. we've performed together.. i know her house like the back of my hand and she knows mine.. i know her best *and worst* habits.. well, almost all of them anyway.. lol.. and she likes sour stuff.. i like sweet.. she likes chick flicks while i like novels and such.. and yeah, she likes to put makeup and i don't.. lol i can't tahan stage makeup.. yucky yuck yuck.. i guess everyday makeup isn't so bad but its too much trouble.. lol.. well.. yeah.. i was just reminiscing.. nikki biatch.. love ya baby... and ya gotta know it *in the immortal words of marcia*! counting the minutes till u get home from kk..

Iko Anak Tuhan

mua ha ha.. i took this from emilyn's blog..
Iko Anak Tuhan

Ui menani
Ngacehku awa
Luk pangeh bire
Kuan ulun ku
Yesus pinate ku libal sala ku

Ui ngedita
Ngacehku awa
Luk pangeh bire
Kuan ulun ku
Yesus pinate ku libal sala ku

Ui ngedita
Ngadan mu
Ngaceh ku iko anak Tuhan
Ui pian ngubur namu
Ngaceh ku iko lun mengulun
Ui ngedita
Ngadan mu
Ngaceh ku iko anak Tuhan
Ui menani
Ui ngubur
O...ngadan mu.

booooootyfull song.. lol..

drunk before dawn

wow.. what a long weekend that was.. drunk before dawn is now over in kl and is going to sabah! some of them are going today and the rest are going tomorrow.. last night was the last night and the crew had to give bouquets to the composers, lyricists, directors, bla bla bla.. and guess what? i panicked. big time. okay, timothy ng came out late and then chanette came out at the wrong time so i panicked and was left standing on the stage feeling stupid. AARGH.. >< well.. i guess these thing do 'appen innit? lol.. i got alot of good pics of the cast n crew... i'll post them the next time i learn how to upload them from the camera into the computer.. lol.. my brother knows, i have to get him to teach me..

you know what? the real Raut's grandson was here. what a testimonial. he's a drummer for the orchestra. i don't know what his name is though. darn! anyway. and then the dayung's grandson, Rommie, was in the musical as well. he's so nice! i got a pic of him dancing around haha.. i think there should be a pic of him in the dbd official website.. let me check..

yay! i found one. that's Rommie. last night he asked me how old i was and his eyes popped when he found out i was fourteen haha... well.. he gave me some valuable advice.. he said,"anyone can 'be there'. but to be there and maintain that is difficult and takes work. keep it up." and you know what? he's 31 years old! he so does not look 31 years old! i thought he was maybe, 23 years old or something. anyway.. i hope he gets home well. i hope to see him again and to talk to him again. goodbye Rommie! it was nice meeting you.

okay. anyway, what else happened.. hmm.. oh yeah, mee gee gave me a pressie for christmas! she gave one to everyone. its a butterfly thingy. i'll put in the pic, its really pretty. then melissa(aide two) gave us all sweets *so sweet of her!* and pastor lee choo gave us teddy bears! i thought that was cute. i'll put in all the pics later lah. hahah gotta wait for my brother to come home from work first.

oh yes! did i mention how much fun it is giving Kal Ter a hard time? its sooo fun!! mua ha ha ha ha... Kal Ter, if you read this, you'll prolly conveniently forget to invite us to your wedding hahahaha... okay i've gotta go now.. mom wants to take us to hartamas shopping centre or someting like that.. :D so now i have to take a shower.. haha.. *shtinky-poo*

oh, did i mention that today was the latest ever i slept? i woke up at 11.10am.. well, i only got to sleep around 2.30am last night.. so i got excuse right? haha.. buai..

MORE CUTISH THINGS

look the doggie's tushie is up!!!!

ROLLS OF PANDAS! ROLY POLY BLACK-AND-WHITE BALLS!!

will you be my fwen.. ? O.O

mummy, mummy, lookie what i found!

i'll share this bone with you if you give me a thousand bucks now.

i just can't get enough of these. ^^

the note in my dream

"Kate! here."

you come up to me and hand me a note. red and blue paper. i open it. it says :

'it was quiet. no one was with me. all was dark. nothing but the light of the computer to guide my eyes through your musings. i read through your emotions. through all that you thought. all that was in that pretty head of yours.

i liked it. and then i read what you thought of me. how you felt for me. and i thought..

maybe i could love you too."

i looked up and you were there. leaning closer to me.

"wake up."

closer.

"wake up."

so close we almost touch.. your lips almost brush against mine.. and then..

"WAKE UP KIDS LET'S GO FOR BREAKFAST!!!!"

i jerked awake. awwwwwww mannnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! crap crap crap.

what a way to start the day. -.-

CUTE STUFF

this kitty looks mad.

PUPPIEE IN A FIELD!

bunneh.

BLOBULE!

I WUB THE POOPIE!

LOOKIE WHAT I FOUND!!!!!!!

christmas time is coming!

aah.. christmas time.. the time of going from house to house for dinners, the time for giving and receiving, the time for kissing under the mistletoe, the time for celebrating the birth of Christ. i like christmas. kids like christmas for the presents. couples like christmas because they have even more of an excuse to make out. restauranteurs like christmas because they make a whole lot more business then. mothers like christmas because the whole family comes together. fathers like christmas.. well, i don't know if they do. :P maybe its for the presents as well.

i like christmas. why? maybe its because i get presents! of course, who doesn't love them. haha... or maybe its because i get to kiss someone under mistletoe! except, ya know, that hasn't happened yet, not once in 14 years. i have et for that to happen. maybe its the way everyone in the family gathers to eat, drink and be merry. well. they stay at your house until 1 o clock in the morning and those relatives who have been away for a long time look at you and tell you how tall you are and how pretty you are now and why don't you have a boyfriend yet and why don't you eat somemore.. -.- i hate that part.. otherwise, i don't mind.

so what is it about christmas that i like? i love the atmosphere, i love the tree, i love the time of the year! i just love it. its so fun. parties, church, people. yeah. i love christmas. :D

you know, being alone on christmas sucks. but you don't have to be. go and crash everyone's house, grab some friends and crash the mall! guaranteed fun.

who wants to watch eragon? let's go on christmas eve!!!!!!!!!!!

are we growing up or just getting old?

today was the last official NSt service of 2006 and andy koko shared today. he went a little off the title above, going more into respect and love. he asked what he meant by 'growing up' and 'getting old'. to me, growing up would mean getting more mature, a little bit wiser everyday, a little bit more experienced every moment. getting old is just a number, and it could mean you're aging without any real experience, without knowing what love is and how to love. anyway. after a while, andy koko pointed out 1 corinthians 13, 'love is patient love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast...' i'm pretty sure u guys all know it, right. then he asked us to replace the word 'love' with our name. and we were laughing while we did and andy koko askede us why we laughed and we didn't really have answer for that and he told us, its because we know its not true. then he said to replace the word 'love' with the name of Jesus. and that made perfect sense to me. Jesus is perfect. He is love. it makes sense! it makes sense to me. so grow into that. grow into love and let love consume you, letit just swallow you whole. only God's love is so big, so great, so amazing, it can do that. it seems impossible. i thought it was. but its not.

i came to know the Lord in sunday school when i was, i don't know, 7 yrs old? anyway, i just thought church was something fun, something just to fill my time. i was okay in my first three years of primary school. when i went into standard four, things started to change for me, coz when you're standard four, boys start to look better, people start to be cooler, and you just wanna fit in. by standard six, i had back slidden so so much. not to say people hated me, but nobody really liked me and i had no idea who my real friends were. i had no sense of self. i cried myself to sleep almost every night. i swore all the time, i felt filthy. almost every kid in school had seen 'da finger'. i came home every night, a liar, a filthy liar. how could God love someone so filthy? then there was the time my parents almost had a divorce. i was devastated. but that was the time that really shook me up. i had no where to go! i was tapped, the devil had me right where he wanted me. i would look at the knives in the kitchen, the pills in the medicine box and the razor in the bathroom. suicidal thought crossed my mind, day in and day out. but God intervened for me. where i had failed, He had succeeded and where i had fallen, He took my bruises for me. i turned to Him. and never had i felt so overwhelmed with peace, joy, and most of all, hope. hope was so great. it was just amazing. and thanks to supportive family, friends and leaders, here i stand today. i still fall, i still learn. but day by day, God helps me through by putting great people in my life. i am whole again.

getting sick really sucks:(

yeeeaaap.. it sure does.. and it make khai worry alot too! haha.. super funny, we were talking with lynette and sammie(who are also sick) online and khai kept putting in big letters 'get better soon!' tonight its since 1991's party! i'm feeling better now, i hope i survive. lol. then gotta go for dbd after that. and before the party, i have to go for ballet! sei lah.. :/ ooh, we got a new camera!!!! super cool.. now i cam. whore alot.. haha.. i should post some pictures but i don't know how.. hahah.. i should get me dad to do for me.. anyway.. i don't know what to write.. not much happening other than the super late nights at dbd practice.. we start at like, 8pm and finish at 12am.. its seriously crazy.. what more this crazy weather.. no wonder everyone is sick.. timothy, nicole, samantha, melissa, lynette, marcia.. me! sighz.. now we need kim to get sick, then it'll really be KNMSK! wakaka.. ish.. khai no answering me.. he says he blogs everyday.. i tell you now, khai, after a month you won't want to blog for a while.. haha.. same thing here wadd.. i updated mine everyday, but now i only update it once in a while.. haha.. oh snap.. i think i'm going to geta cold sore from blowing my nose so often.. shucks.. i bit the inside of my cheek by accident yesterday.. it hurts ALOT.. and i've been drinking what feels like GALLONS of water since monday trying to ward off this cursed sore throat and IT DIDN'T WORK! grr.. anyway, according to mom, i haven't been drinking gallons, so i guess thats why lah. do you have any idea how many things i have to do now?! i have to take vitamin c, gargle listerine, take cough medicine, take cold tablets, and suck dequadin(its like strepsils, but tastes nicer). so tedious.. sigh.. i guess its worth it if i get better.. grr, i think its going to rain.. this accursed weather.. making ppl sick.. it was so hot one hour ago and now the sky is rolling with thunder.. the sun is still out though.. this is truly weather gone mad.. grr.. i think i should go take in the clothes.. byee! :D

KIDZONE BOOT CAMP part 2

everyone who went for the boot camp and got the t shirt, please wear it on saturday!!!!!!

anyway, i haven't told u guys about the rest of boot camp. day 1, we had an obstacle course, and in my team, there's this boy named dylan, who isn't exactly the fittest guy around. anyway, there's this obstacle where you have to swing over this small body of water with a rope. he clung unto the rope and when he kicked off, he tucked his legs in so he kind of looked like a ball at the end of the rope. so he swang to the other side - and didn't let go! so he swang back to where we were, so he sorta looked like a pendulum! super fuhneeeee... we had to push him back off and the teachers on the otherside caught him. haha.. good thing he didn't fall into the water.. that wouldn't have been good.>.O

then, there was this other obstacle which was a tunnel. it was sooo horribly stinky. yuck. anyway, dylan (AGAIN) went in shouting "i'm gonna get stuck!" we all thought he was kidding. then he didn't come out for a while. ronnie koko ran to the side he's supposed to come out from and said "is he really stuck ah?!" so mean, i tell you!!! haha.. zara and i were laughing so hard it still hurts.. anyway, by the time we got back to the hall, we were washed out. and we still had to wait for the tepees to be done!! aargh..

zara, ivan, aaron and me were doing this station, or zone, which was temptation sort of thing for the kids. the first team to go was airforce, which had wai kin's brother, ivan's brother, nicole's sister and tze quan's brother. btw, now tze quan's nickname is piggypox!! hee hee. anyway, so this group came into the room - and all the brothers fell for it hook, line and sinker! super cute i tell you.. dylan (ivan's brother) and wai shin(wai kins's brother) were both saying, 'whaa this is the best station ever!!!' we couldn't stop laughing.. then ivan came in and took quite a while debriefing them.... until ronnie koko had to come in and give him the time out signal coz the other team were coming already.. ivan, ivan.. haha.. anyway, then the other teams came in.. fell for it.. dadada.. except one team who was the only team to pass our station.. they didn't touch anything!we were quite impressed..

and then at night, i heard tze quan calling my name so i went outside and it turned out there was this huge ass bug in nicole's tepee! it was a cicada and was scaring the life out of rachel and nicole. it was stuck between the wall of the bathroom and the ceiling, so i chased it out of there and i think i half drowned it. hehe... then we called chris, one of the guys in, and well, he didn't get it out. grr.. then khai weng and ivan came in. okay, khai weng is a really.. 'unique' guys (he takes pride in that) and ivan.. well, i think most of you guys who read this blog know how ivan is, right? okay, so we thought that ivan would be going OMIGOD and that khai weng would be the one taking it out! we were SO WRONG. khai weng went in looking for the bug and when he saw it he was like 'OMIGOD ITS HUGE!!!!!!!' and hid behind ivan. so in the end all the girls were screaming and khai weng, well, he didn't scream, but he was pretty scared i think, and ivan had to get it out. super funny that night.. the girls ended up sleeping at 4am.. i slept around 3something, i was so tired.. so i only got 3, 4 hours of sleep that night? yeah.. then i went to knock on nicole's door and i heard someone inside say 'late adee ah? ya lah, late lah! quick, get up! late adee lah!' hahaha.. fuhnee...

so yeap.. thats what happened.. lol.. i'm sure that in the other blogs you guys will be hearing about this too, like nicole, timothy and ivan.. God bless everyone!

PS. all you who went for kz boot camp and got the broken borders tee, please wear it on saturday! must!

KIDZONE BOOT CAMP!!

i'm home!!!! haha.. kidzone camp was so awesome!!! when we first went into the room for reg., it seemed as if the helpers and teachers were more excited than the kids. but after we got settled ito our teams and all that it was evident how excited these kids really were. the excitement was so contagious, like a buzzing in the air! well, i wanted to tell you guys out there what really made me happy in this camp. two things, or rather two events, were the highlight of the camp for me. the first one was on the second night of camp. we were supposed to have these station activities in the afternoon but because it rained, andy koko decided to push it to the nighttime. then, come night time, it started raining heavily! i was so upset and you could see the kid's faces just fall! they wer so eager to go and when their faces fell, i was so so upset!! i prayed and i even cried abit. so there i am sitting in the session, crying my eyes out and no one knew why. anyway, then something prodded me to just look around the room and i did. most the helpers were gone! ivan, tze quan, tim, khai, nikki.. so something in my spirit just told me to go outside the room and pray. so i went outside and lo and behold, there they were, praying. so i went to join them and we sang and prayed and it was just truly awesome. then ivan prayed for the rain to stop at 8.55pm because the games were to start at 9.00pm. it started to let up and then it was reduced to a drizzle! aaron said, hey what time is it? guess what, it was exactly 8.55pm!!!!!!!! OH MY GOSH. we were screaming and shouting out there and then we went out into the drizzle and we prayed somemore and sang and praised the Lord. eventually we had to go back into the room and we told andy koko it was drizzling. by that time we were bouncing around with such excitement! then we sent timothy out to check if it had really stopped drizzling and it had!!!!!!!! it was really really amazing. for a long time i didn't really believe that God would answer my prayers. but right now, i believe. i believe!! this is such an awesome experience. God is so good. i bet you right now all the helpers who have blogs are writing all about this. haah..

the second thing was when i woke up the next morning i woke up around 7.20am. after waking charissa and lynette, i went out to see if anyone else had woken up yet. i peeked out the door and i saw ivan sitting on a ledge outside in the middle of the tepee area. i looked at him and he jerked his head slightly to indicate ' come over if you want to'. so i went over and we just sat together in the quiet morning-ness of it all and i just felt overwhelmed with peace. we talked, but only a little bit. we just sat there in each other's company, breathing in the morning air. it was so divine.

i gotta go! will write more soon!

when darkness turns to light

last night i couldn't sleep and i felt like picking up my Bible and turning to my favourite book, Proverbs. and i got to chapter 19 and there's this verse that is repeated twice. the verse goes like : a false witness will not go unpunished, and he who pours out lies will not go free - and again - a false witness will not go unpunished, and he who pours out lies will perish. these are verses 5 and 9 respectively.

in the first verse, it tell us that liars will ot go free. then the second time it tells us that liars will die, will perish. recipe for disaster. >:3 anyway, i guess thats a pretty big warning for all of us, especially myself. i mean, it doesn't get much louder than that, does it? its kind of like this big neon sign with a loudspeaker blaring next to it. haha.. funny picture isn't it? but somehow i think that God is deadly serious about what He says here.

another verse i noticed was verse 2 : it is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way. and i wrote what it meant to me next to the verse and i wrote 'don't rush into or be enthusiastic about something when you know nothing about it and end up missing the point entirely'. i guess that pretty much speaks for itself right? i'd like to know your own feedback, kayz? it would be nice.

anyway, i've been doing alot of thinking lately. yes yes i know i think too much. i need to keep myself busy so as not to think too much about everything. tonight is the hillsong untied concert!! aikz i wrote untied again! i mean united. anyway, i'm so excited! its gonna be fun. oh, and i'm now officially hooked on all american rejects. they rock! yeah.. and kidzone boot camp is in two days! i'm in ivan's station. we're supposed to try and tempt the kids with all sorts of enticing things, such as food, drinks, magazines.. etc, etc.. so it should be fun.

so now i'm just sitting here chatting with sammie who doesn't leave comments for me anymore and listening to AAR and i'm just thinking. there's a guy friend of mine who i really like and i've known him for about four years now i think. more, maybe. but i guess i'll never be more than anything but a friend to hi. a really naggy, exasperating friend, too! haha.. its kinda hard for me to see him with other girls, especially since those other girls are my other friends. but i guess i've gotta let him go because its his life right? and well. there's that saying : if you love something let it go and if it comes back its yours. so i let him go now.

rolling..

hi all.. haven't been writing coz the comp's been banned for a couple of days coz my dad was being all cautious about the comp having viruses and yadda yadda yadda.. not that i understand it.. lol! anyway, I FINALLY GOT MY BIKINI!!! i'm sooo happy.. and my auntie shipped along an acne kit too.. so, hopefully when i start using it i'll get skin like a porcelein teapot.. nothing as fat though.. haha! and then mum's been making me - 'making' me, so yeah - work out and i went for my first hip hop class *it rocks!* so i hopefully will be looking hot in no time... harhar.. what a dream.. but mum says it can come true, so i'm all, i hope so! ooh, hip hop class is so fun, tim's so stiff its funny. harhar.. don't let tht comment stop ya tim, u're doing good. just hope he continues even after yi lyn leaves for aussie.. which reminds me, christmas is coming!!!!!!!! its like, so around the corner. so is spm, thts like, two steps around the corner. good luck, spm-ers! God be with you.

samantha's mummy has just come out of hospital.. so, auntie, if ur reading this, i wish u all the best in getting better soon and i hope that u'll be up and running in no time! well, i was watching a good show the other day. its called a place for annie. i don't know if anyone of you have watched, but if you get the chance, watch it. its really good. oh and they did the mom's make up real good too. she's supposed to be this teenage mom who has aids and she think her child would have aids too. so instead of having to face the tragedy of the child's death, she leaves the child two days after birth. a doctor at the hospital adopts her but one year after the birth mother wants her back. so a series of events follow and the mother almost dies but they bring her back to life only to find that annie, her daughter, does not have aids. she has the antibodies but not the virus. u guys will have to watch it to find out more! haha..

i sort of wrote a song yesterday.. i don't know f it can be called a song or a poem.. i dunno, it was abit random, it just suddenly came to me.. its about a friend of mine whom i'm in love with.. he's perfect.. but i'll never be anything more to him than just his friend.. *sighz*.. well, here it is anyway..

forbidden love

i once heard that love was a friendship on fire
and i once thought maybe we could have that
and how sad i feel when i know its not possible
its not possible because

this love i feel for you
its a forbidden love
and i will keep on loving you but only time will tell
this love its a forbidden love

you're my friend
you're my best friend
and you've got girlfriends of your own
and i will never be anything more to you because

this love i feel for you
its a forbidden love
and i will keep on loving you but only time will tell
this love its a forbidden love

and my heart aches everyday for you
but i don't get a secong glance from you

this forbidden love
oh how much i love to love you..

so yeah.. thats my 'song'.. haha.. oops me gtg.. bye!

untitled

owh owh owh.. my bro just can't seem to get a date for his prom.. poor guy.. this is not his month.. in thirty days, three potential dates, all unable to go.. then he won the tickets to the fly.fm fly-niversary, but he's too young to go.. then he won tivkets and VIP passes to the tata young concert tonight, but he's got no transport. VIP passes!! poor guy.. just can't get a break.. sighz.. oh well, his SPM is coming up real soon... so its good he has to concentrate on that.. lol..

hmm.. oh yes.. school's out for me, yay!! haha.. i'm happy.. no more going to school for the next two months! then next week i get to join the hip hop class in my ballet centre on wednesday at 5.45pm.. and yeah.. i can go just abt everywhere with my mummy! hahah.. omg.. i'm watching jamie oliver's school dinners and the kids are such amzingly spoilt brats its crazy. its just crazy. they thought a celery was a potato, for pity's sake! something like that anyway. and then there's this kid who just won't try anything. if i was his mom, i'd go, you don't wanna eat? fine, don't eat. i mean, come on! its not gonna kill you, right? gosh. their lunches consist of potatoes, chips, sweets and chocolate. hello?!?! whottalotta constipated kids. i'm not surprised.

when does the fairy tale girl meet her prince?

this fairy tale girl sure has kissed a couple of frogs already. they're all princes, but they're not mine. so i released them back into the pond that is swarming with frogs. yay me! what alotta frogs to kiss. well, might as well just mention what i'm looking for in a guy. so here's my perfect man.

the perfect man should be able to argue with me without agreeing to do anything for me including swallow poison or do anything stupid like that. i mean, thats super obsessive already. well, he should be able to have fun with me and be able to play with me and yet know when and where to be serious. if i could have it my way, this guy would roll down a hill with me and carry me back up (if he could) when we get down. well, that part may be abit much, considering how guys here in malaysia can hardly carry anything without complaining like idiots (hee hee). okay, so not all guys.maybe i'll just go to america. i'm pretty sure there'll be somebody there who'll be able to carry me! haha.. well and this guy would have fun conversations with me about every topic under the sun and the moon. this guy would be my lover, my brother, my best friend. this guy. this man, will be there when i'm happy, will be there when i cry, will be there when i feel silly, will be there when i feel moody, will just be there and i will be there for him too.

well, there you go. haha.. i know alot of people will say, omg kate, you set the bar way too high! haha.. owh well, i'm sure there's a guy like that somewhere out there... lol! so yeah.. thats my perfect man.. :P

now back to the going - ons in my life.. hmm.. oh yes! my brother has a date to his prom! i was hoping he'd take me, but oh well. next time, maybe. :D so anyway, guess who he asked? i won't say it here, but post a comment and tell me who you guys think it is! its oh-la-la.. lol! well.. other than that.. i'm doing up my christmas presents now! haha.. you guys will be surprised.. so i hope you like it coz i'm 'making' them myself. 'making', so yeah. i got a new pair of jazz pants today! finally. i've been needing one for ages. my mom bought herself two blouses and a pullover, so i think thats good coz she doesn't often get stuff for herself. so good for her! she looks really really pretty! haha.. alrighty.. so thats the lowdown on my day and my perfect dream man.. bye, ya'll! *winkz*

fairy tale beginning

heyy.. well alot of stuff has happened since i last wrote in here.. ooh and i just watched 'the perfect man' just now and one of my favourite songs played! howie day's 'collide'..

even the best fall down sometimes
even the wrong words seem to rhyme
out of the dark that fills your mind
you finally find that you and i collide

yeah i like that song.. there's this other song i like but i dunno who the singers are nor do i know the name of the song. something like "everything you want". the last chorus is here, anyone who knows the song please tell me! haha thanks.

i am everything you want
i am everything you need
(something)
i say all the right things at exactly the right times but i mean nothing to you and i don't know why...

hmm.. let's see.. any other songs that have been an anthem for me this year? oh yes..jesse mccartney's 'because you live'.. i'm pretty sure i don't have to write down the lyrics because everyone knows them haha! all the guys reading this are probably going *grrooooaaan...* too bad! haha.. nah i'm not gonna write em down.. malas.. then there's the goo goo doll's 'iris'.. and carrie underwood's 'Jesus take the wheel'.. and oasis' 'wonderwall'.. and drunk before dawn's love song with lea and raul.. i just love that song! as well as the one celine did at the end of the track..

today my brother's cell had a party for ps daniel and his wife auntie ann! they've been married four years now, so happy anniversary, ps dan and auntie ann! cool, it rhymes.. haha.. ooh.. now there's a new word.. 'shopology'.. haha.. well, today we went to the canaanland in damansara perdana to get an anniversary pressie for them and i got a book called 'battlefield of the mind ; for teens' by joyce meyer. its really really good. and i got a new bible! mine's falling apart already so i might as well get a new one since it was on sale right? it was rm99.90 with 20percent discount, which made it about rm79.. somewhere there lah.. and i got my little black book and evangelising! its super cute, i'll lend it to you if you ask.. haha.. its actually really good and it explains everything so you'll totally be prepared for the toughies people ask. i sound like a promoter don't i? hahaha..

well, then we went to tropics, which is next door, because i needed to go to sonata and get a new leotard but it was closed so we called the owner and she said she was having lunch and she'd be back n ten minutes. i felt so bad! she probably gulped down her lunch and rushed back on a full stomach.. i feel so baaad.. well, anyway.. then we found the cutest little place called 'Buddies Cafe' and its food is scrumptious! haha.. so is its iced chocolate and according to my mom, the latte is smooooooth and lovely.. haha.. then we went back up to sonata and i got a new leotard! i'm so happy.... no more shopping for me! the only thing i have to buy now are.. stuffs for christmas pressies.. i shall keep tht a secret.. lol!

so anyway, then we came home to get the food, go back to church and everything. church was, well, church. after church scott was talking about the worship that may gan and kenny led. i thought it was pretty good today and sure, maybe they don't know how to lead and interact with the crowd yet, but its an experience, you learn from them. i'm not saying my brother's views are wrong, but i always did think he should be more open-minded and not always think he knows best. sometimes he does. but i guess, hey, he's my bro, love him, respect him. i do, but i got my views too! haha.. well yeah, that was my day. gtg, byee!

fairy tales

once upon a time,

in a land far far away, there lived a young girl who dreamed of princes and castles, butterflies and love. unfortunately,

*snap*

this is the real world baby. hahah.. yeah yeah, i'm tht fairy tale girl.. i'll continue with it later, i have to go now. i was just.. being random. :P

quotes

they say that love is the most beautiful of dreams and also the worst of nightmares. shakespeare said this. or at least the one on hallmark did!

the hardest thing to govern is the heart. queen elizabeth on hallmark.

" there's this thing thats coming against me and no matter what defences i put up, it just keeps coming! whats it called?"
"life."
amy and maxine gray, judging amy, hallmark

we love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19

don't let anyone look down on you because you are young but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. 1 Timothy 4:12

today is a trace surviving the past of all my hurts and fears reality's ugly face appears every pain that i denied now echoes loud and clear today. relic, pastor kay.

you've truly blessed me and so many others by your extravagant smiles and friendship. thanks so much for blessing me. keep in touch and God bless. rachel ng, narrowstreet.

you sleeping dy? ... k la sorry to disturb your beauty sleep :P. by the way your a good friend kate. :) philly, narrowstreet.

its times like these when i think of you and i wonder if you ever think of me.. vanessa carlton, a thousand miles.

i don't want another pretty face i don't want just anyone to hold i don't want my love to go to waste i want you and your beautiful soul.. jesse mccartney, beautiful soul.

i got whipped! jesse metcalfe, john tucker must die.

don't get mad. get even. john tucker must die.

i don't wave to people, people wave to me. spoilt brat, america, my super sweet sixteen.

treasures in my heart

hey unfaithful i will teach you to be stronger to be strong
hey ungraceful i will teach you to forgive one another
hey unloving i will love you i will love you

these words gave me a glimmer of hope when i was feeling really down a couple of days ago. this song is by underoath (the name of the song escapes me) and i was so encouraged by it i just cried and cried and tears just ran down my face freely as i thought, God is this really possible that you could teach me these things? and there was this amazing dawning that came down on me that yeah, this really could happen. for the past few weeks i'd been feeling empty and there was just nothing in me anymore. like, poof! eveything gone.

i guess that i had been emotionally drained over quite a few things and the fact that i failed my history (damn!) was the last straw. after that i just stopped feeling anymore, i ws so tired of it. but i'm glad that that song brought me back to where i am now and who i will be soon.

well, now, dbd is coming soon! and its going to kk too! although, i may not be going. if there's not enough money, then i'll have to pay for my own plane ticket and sleep in the apartment lounge of pastor kay and michelle proctor. don't be scared ppl, this isn't some sort of military camp. hahah.. but then, honestly, i'm kinda scared of sleeping alone, especially in the lounge. yeah, i have this thing about sleeping and even being alone. its freeeeaaakay... in the words of sammiee.. lol..

i guess it'll be okay right? haha.. after all, i've got God! yay meee... haah.. well, it started a couple of years ago when i watched this horror movie and i wasn't able to sleep for ages and ages. even now sometimes i can't sleep. i don't know why.. kinda silly, huh? lol.. nvm, i'm getting over it already.. probably it'll take what, two more years? hahaha.. oops okay i gtg! owh yah, there's this line from bring it on tht i like.. its by these black girls who r seriously hot so it has their names in it.. i thought it was catchy though.. lol..

my name is letti (yeah)
i like to party (yeh)
when i shake it (yeah)
the boys say 'aye mami!

my name's camille (yeah)
give you three wishes (yeah)
when i shake it (yeah)
i'm delicious

my name's kareesha (yeah)
(i forgot this part) (yeah)
when i shake it (yeah)
its like an earthquake

hot right? hahah.. byee!

loose lips sink ships

so many things seem to have happened even over the weekend! in a span of two days so many things can spring up and get crushed. haha.. well.. right now i'm watching desperate house wives cause there's nothing much to watch.. last saturday was really good.. cell with may gan is really fun cause we talk alot.. eeee my mummy is trying to tickle meeee!! nuuu.... ;p anyway as i was saying.. don't you just love talking i love talking talking is so fun don't you think i could just talk all day long and yes right now i'm going high.. haha.. ooh guess what?! i'm in the SIB calender! okay so its a crappy picture tht was from what, two three years ago in kidzone and well, there's one big group of us, like nicole is there, tze quan, koko andy and all.. but still, i'm in the calender! yay meee... then there's this big pic of ivan there haha.. so yeah we're all famous.. except philly n sammie aren't there.. =( owh welll... hopefully nxt year they might... lol!

omg i never quite realised tht desperate housewives was sooo dramatic! *tsk tsk* hahaha.. well yesterday my brother put on one tree hill on dvd and there was this episode tht was based on the columbine shooting. predictable but it was good. it started with this kid who was one of the 'fat asses' of the school and u know how the 'fat asses' of the schools or even those considered to be of 'lower class' in comparison to the jocks , cheerleaders, yadayada u guys know the story, well, u guys know how they get bullied and pushed around right? yeah, so this one guy cracks one day and he brings a gun to school. so he walks into the school like any other day to find these losers (jocks) crapping up his locker and throwing everything out and messing it up (so immature!) and he just gets mad so he takes his gun out and tries to shoot but everyine ducks and he shoots glass. only a few students see him and he himself hides out with some other students, students who were supposed to be his friends last time. so they don't know he's got the gun until nathan comes to save haley, who is stuck with them. then this kid panics and locks the door and brings out his gun. then comes a whole series of self confessions. and i only saw up to there so i dunno what happened. but there's something the kid said tht got me. he said : "tell me when was the last time you ignored someone who wasn't up to your standard? when was the last time you bullied someone without bothering to find out about him? or did u even care? you think about tht and then u tell me if there's anyone else out there?"

tht really got me thinking and i guess tht, hey, we've all done tht right? so i was thinking, hey, why don't we try to get to know these people properly? you never know, you might actually find tht these ppl are really worth while. they may not be all that, but they are real. not like those fakers out there who just wanna be popular. thts not real. this is the real world. so yeah.

egg heads

DARYL IS BALD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahaha.... omg i can't wait to see it when we go to kk! it'll be hilarious... we hv a few egg heads in church too.. of course the infamous CHRIS N SAMUEL WEE! hahahaha.. but now chris says tht he has a pimple on his head.. may gan checked it and guess wat?!?! there was hair growing out of it!!!! gross!! hahah... well i thought it was pretty gross and pretty cool at the same time.

owh, and nicole's swelled up toe is swollen no more! how did it get swollen? well, all those who read this blog would know, but i'm gonna write it down anyway! :D well, timothy was at nicole's house(this is his side of the story) and he took a kickapoo out of the fridge in her upstairs tv room. and then (according to tim) nicole, out of all greediness(according to tim!) tried to grab the kickapoo can from timothy and it slipped out of their hands and guess what? landed on her toe! *oooops* to this day i still wonder who's fault it was.. hm.. we may never know! :P anyway so now her toenail is no longer attached to her nail bed.. it looks kinda cool actually.. *erk*

hahah.. okay i gotta go.. byee! owh and here's something the shakespeare from hallmark said : "the eyes are the window to the soul.. but sometimes we all need good window cleaners!" i agree!

wowee! seems like everything is going well for me all of a sudden. remember i was moaning and groaning about everything? lookie here! 5 minutes ago i was asked to dance for church dedication with yi lyn, i'm getting a bikini from the U.S. from my auntie, and guess what, me best friend is talking to me again! well, okay so the last one is no biggie but for me it is! :p

and yay! PMR is over and now my PMR friends are free! lol, now i hv to wait for SPM to finish before i can rejoice for my bro. he and his friends (eg. khye shin, joshua) are gonna be having a cookout at the end of the year. samantha and i were just messing around with the idea of a halloween party the other day. i think it'll be cool but i don't think it'll happen. owh well, we can dream can't we? lol! and i don't have to go to school today on account of the haze!!!!!! yay me!

there is one more thing i would like to be able to fix now though. i have this friend of mine who i was close to but now we have grown apart because of unmentionablesss... anyway, i just hope i'll be able to become her friend again and be genuine to her. hopefully. i will try!! :p and, girl, you know who you are.

gotta go!

letter to God

Dear God,

hi there! how is heaven like? i wish i could know now so tht i would have a good picture of it. but i guess i'll have to make do with words from the Bible and images in my head for now. i wonder how You make space in Your head to think of every single person on earth. i mean, how?!?! i guess its something tht the human mind is unable to comprehend. but i do wonder abt it alot. i mean, wow. You must have a really really big head to be able to remember all of us. i know You've got a really big heart too!

what do You think about all the stuff that's going on in church? in my church anyway. i know there are so many churches but what do you think of all the issues going on in my church? the hatred, the mutual disagreements and the walls between ppl. are You sad? i am. sometimes i think tht nothing will get better but then You always reassure me tht it will. i sure hope it will. i trust You. :) i guess that i will just have to cling on to the simple faith tht i have in You. sometimes thats all tht keeps me going.

God, remember when i had bad days and i felt like i wanted to go and die? i'm sure You remember. but i gotta say, thank You for knocking me on the head and making me come to my senses. :) i've got to go and sleep now God. good night. i hope You rest too.

I love You.

love, kate

dreams and fantasies

lol! don't we all have dreams and fantasies? mine are :

1. go to a chocolate factory and sample EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!
2. wear the shoes Christina Aguilera wore in her video 'Ain't No Other Man'
3. design and sew my own clothes
3. buy a house and get a personal maid for my parents
4. meet Jamie Oliver and have him cook for me (yay!)
5. take my mum to meet Oprah Winfrey
6. have the guy who i love sing me Jesse McCartney's 'Beautiful Soul'
7. play with the children of Africa
8. bring a smile to someone in an orpahanage/old folk's home/ hospital/shelter
9. name one of my kids Keisha and another after my best friend
10. go to America with my auntie n uncle and bring Nicole with me
11. buy a lifetime supply of lollipops for Timothy
12. learn to play drums
13. get Yi Lyn a whole lot of butterfly stuff
14. force Ivan(Tan) to pierce his ear!!(just for kicks)
15. go to Sabah n Sarawak

i've got so many but i guess this is all for the moment. like nicole says, sky is the limit baby!

my life is so ruined

and its all my brother's fault!! first he plans to make me work out and do suicide runs and all so that i'd be fit and hot and then when i say, oh good, i'll look so hot in anything, then he goes and tells me he'll put me in a chastity belt and throw the key away! then he'll follow me around carrying a shotgun. in his head he'll be totally ripped and all and he'll be able to flick the guys away with one finger. a chastity belt is like metal underwear. EEUURRGH.... how gross would that be.. and then i'll NEVER get married either. great just great. my life is OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i HOPE he's just kidding abt it.. please God please God please God please God...

so anyway, my auntie just came back frm the U.S yesterday night and today she's going to port dickson with my cousins.. i would go and get a tan but then i'd need the tiniest bikini anyone has ever seen and then i'd have to stay under the sun for 11 hours before i even turn one shade darker. but then again, my brother won't let me wear a bikini let alone a tiny one and i don't have that kind of time anyway.. haha.. dunno mum says i might get a bikini as long as its not too little material (u know what i mean).. there's one at the bazaar in the curve that i LOVE.. its so cute.. haha.. anyway. yeah if my brother lets me wear that one maybe i might just be able to get married after all.. LOL... there may be some hope after all..

anyhoo i gotta go... byeeee...

whoa..

i actually just realized that my week has been a whole lot better then alot of other people from church today.. example, samantha is now violin teacher-less and yi lyn might be moving to aussie at the end of the year!!!! i was like, whoooaaaa... then nicole came in black-faced (i do NOT know why) and timothy was so quiet which is like so unusual!!!!!!!!!!!!! hello, what is going on here?!?!

anyway.. we joined cells with the 17 year olds and played ''guesstures''! it was so fun, especially when jason did the last act, which was supposed to be ''sexy'' and he did a pamela anderson act which was absolutely hilarious!!!!! hahahaha.... khye shin went first and did the first act, which i thought was brilliant!

i'm pretty sad that yi lyn is going though. i mean, she may not even stay for christmas!! AND i've known her since i was six!!!!!!!!! AND we've all teased her for being the most flexible person in class!! if she goes, who would we tease?!?!!? it so would not be the same. and then if she goes before december she won't even be able to go for dbd! omg... this is disastrous..

i must definitely get the gang together to organize something for her if she leaves.i must! IT WAS WRITTEN.

yet again

time and time again we all get disappointed and we all get let down. so why me more often than not?

whats a girl to do?

i'm pretty sure every girl asks herself this question right? especially when it comes to those creatures who are so difficult to decipher yet oh-so delectable called boys... haha, i'm just kidding.. okay so they aren't exactly delectable.. my mom describes them as "smelly, stinky, moody and sometimes rude." yes, i quite agree but they do have some winning qualities i suppose.... haha.. anyway.. on days when i feel lke being stupid i do my best to comprehend the minds of these things.. and quite honestly i succeed in feeling very stupid indeed... because this is an IMPOSSIBLE task.. and well, i don't know exactly how some girls do it.. i'm serious some girls just wind them round their little finger.. i know some people who have wound some of my good guy friends around their own fingers.. its actually kinda scary.. hmm..

anyway.. sometimes i'm looking at some of my closest guy friends and i can hardly understand what on earth they talk about. its like they have some sort of code or alien language! so.. when it comes to guys.. me blur.. haha.. i was reading a magazine the other day and it was "how to make him yours!" in these big fat block letters. so i thought, hmm, okay, how do americans make boys.. theirs? so there were all these tips u know, like, don't overdo it! hold your gaze, smile and look away. don't get overfriendly. don't be desperate. i'm like, heck, how on earth do u be overfriendly?!?!?! it just doesn't make sense to me. owh well. i may never understand. and i probably won't until God tells me how their minds work! hahaha...

peace out ppl..

freedom!!

its true i tell u, i'm free!!!!!!!!!! my last exam has just ended and i'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mua ha ha.. so anyway.. haha something pretty funny happened at school today.. michelle and anysa were talking (which was really strange) and then this girl melissa was in between them outside the hall so right then i knew something was up. my good friends, sarveen, kameny n sumathi wanted to see if they would fight or what, which was so funny because i asked them why and kameny said "they fight very exciting wan!! got slapping and all!!" i laughed so hard my tummy still hurts. and then i continued to laugh the rest of the day. i couldn't breathe, i was laughing too much.

i love doing that u know. laughing so hard u cry and ur stomach hurts. i don't do it as often as i did back in primary school. i miss laughing till i cry!!!! its really fun u know..

i'm sure i don't have to tell u guys that right? haha.. anyway i gotta go already.. yeah my posts r getting shorter and shorter.. and less meaningful.. haha.. and less colourful right.. too lazy to change the colours and all that.. used to hv loads of time haha.. okay.. byeeee...

blogger-mania

really! its bloggermania.. just abt everyone's got a blog.. tim n philly too, except they don't really use theirs.. heck, even narrowstreet has a blog! yay.. all u ppl hu don't read it, its at nst777.blogspot.com ... yes yes.. aah.. like philly says... i'm just jobless..

today i my last day of exams, yippeeee!! then, nxt week, good luck n God bless to all the pmr takers and then after that, good luck n God bless to the spm takers like my brother! mua hahaha.. oops gott go.

what the..

i'm actually supposed to be studying now cause today i've got sejarah(history) exam, but... hahaha...i'm just waiting for my mom to come out of the bath cause she's fetching me to school.. and then i'm probably gonna scrape my test haha... scraping the bottom of the barrel..omg its so hot here... i'm sitting here and the fan is not working and i feel all itchy in my school uniform and bleeaagh.... >.<

i wonder what life is like in the USA? or even in canada os new zealand or whatver. hmm.. i can only imagine i guess. i can go to US after spm if i get good results. yay me! my aunty n grandma will sponsor me. my aunty is coming back this saturday! i can't wait i miss her loads. she got me a madea cd!!! its this amazing comedian who's supposed to be an old lady named madea. if i can i'll upload a short video so u guys can see. she appeared on oprah.

okay i gotta go mum's done. byeee..

running the risks

what a day.. i know its only 4.43pm now, but i feel like its gone by already... anyway.. went to church this morning but could barely concentrate cause it was too cold.. tze quan can testify to that.. haha.. then ate at the cafeteria in church.. waited for my dad to come pick us up and went to the restaurant when he did... ate some more when we got there cause we didn't have enough to eat at church, i felt anyway so we had kfc.. very fattening.. erk! haha.. anyway then came home n took a nap.. woke up n did my homework.. bleagh.. then here i am writing in my blog.. as the bible doth says : sunday is a day of rest. well, okay so it doesn't say that but it says u gotta rest some time right?? haha.. so i guess that this is my resting time eh.. oops i gotta go my good friend philly want me to check out an article he sent to me. toodles!

favourite songs - yay!

come come let's go thru all my friend's favourite songs... hahaha.. first off, nicole's.. erm.. i totally have no idea right now.. she changes favourite songs every other day.. *sighz* anyway! yi lyn's is.. well, i only know her favourite song in church which is 'I love you Lord'.. goes like this..

I LOVE YOU LORD
i love you Lord
and i lift my voice to worship you
all my soul rejoice
take joy my King in what you hear
let it be a sweet sweet song in your ear

let the love of my sweet Saviour
come and flood your heart with joy
like a fresh and flowing river
that your life would be restored
let the worries of tomorrow
wash away forevermore
and the song that stays shall be

okay so thats yi lyn's fav.. let's see.. sammy's fav! its the same as mine 'ain't no other man' by Christina aguilera *she rocks!* i have all the lyrics!

AIN'T NO OTHER MAN
i could feel it from the start
couldn't stand to be apart
something bout you caught my eye
something moving deep inside

i don't know what you did boy but you had it
and i've been hooked ever since

told my mother my brother my sister and my friends
told the others my lovers both past and present tinse
that everytime i see you everything starts making sense

ain't no other man can stand up next to you ain't no other man on the planet does what you do
you're the kinda guy a girl finds in a blue moon
you got soul you got class you got style you're a bad***
ain't no other man its true (alright) ain't no other man but you

never thought i'd be alright(no no no)
till you came and changed my life(yeah yeah yeah)
what was cloudy now is clear you're the light that i need here
you got what i want boy and i want it
so keep giving it up

so tell your mother your brother your sister and our fiends
tell the others your lovers better not be present tense
cause i want everyone to know that you are mine and no one else's

*chorus*

ain't no other ain't ain't no other other
ain't no other ain't ain't no other lover
ain't no other i i i need no other
ain't no other man but you boy

you are there when i'm a mess
talked me down from every ledge
give me strength boy you're he best
you're the only one who's ever passed every test

*chorus 2times*

so there we have sammy's fav song.. mine would be a fallout boy number.. 'a little less than sixteen candles a little more touch me'.. long title right.. i love it!

A LITTLE LESS THEN 16 CANDLES A LITTLE MORE 'TOUCH ME'

i confess i messed up dropping i'm sorry like you're still around
and i know you dressed up hey kid you'll never live this down
cause you're just the girl all the boys wanna dance with
and i'm just a boy who's had too many chances
i'm sleeping on your folk's porch again dreaming she said she said she said
why don't you just drop dead

i don't blame you for being you but you can't blame me for hating it
so say what are you waiting for kiss her kiss her
i set my clock's early cause i know i'm always late

write me off give up on me cause darling what did you expect
i'm just off a lost cause a long shot
don't even take this bet
you can make all the moves you can aim all the spotlights get all the sighs and the moans just right

*pre-chorus*
*chorus*

always always on (you said you'd keep me honest)
always always on (but i won't call you on it)
always always on

*chorus*

back to the drawing board

yep, its back to the drawing board for me. i thought i was over my self defeatance, thought i'd won the battle, but it turns out i still fight it. i shall call this - kate's syndrome.

yeah yeah i know i sound stupid. sorry! haha.. its just that my best friend told me, hey, stop being so self defeating and you will do beter. well, i'm so accustomed to doing it i dunno how to stop. its difficult when everyone else is so much better. if i get good at something i have to constantly remind myself that there's someone out there who's prettier than me, smarter than me, more interesting than me. i've done it all my life. how do i stop now?

i guess i can always try to tell myself all the good things. somehow, i find it hard because i'm not reassured of it. like, nobody really tells me, oh ur so smart or, oh, ur so pretty. if i have to keep telling myself that, i get scared that i'll start being really obnoxious. but if ppl remind me of it, somehow i feel better.

i guess i got low self esteem. *sighz* if anyone wonders how i keep myself 'looking' so upbeat and happy all the time, i dunno either! my head's full of poisonous thoughts but i guess its God who really protects me from them. i'm glad for that but i wanna stop the thought as well. how? how. i ask myself all the time and i dunno how.

hey sexy (oops, i mean skinny) lady

'its common practice that after a few stints in hospital with an eating disorder you would be shipped off to the psychiatric ward, be it an adolescent or adult one. ... my psychiatrists at Monash told me to write letters to my anorexia thinking this would help me to identify my illness. the truth is, the more letters i wrote to my anorexia, the sicker i became. .. there seemed to be no solution. i was getting worse.'

these are the words of Bronte Cullis at the almost-peak of her anorexia. she is now 20-something years old and was diagnosed with anorexia at 15 years old. thankfully she has recovered and has a book called 'Bronte's story'. she lives to tell her story and hopefully sufferers will pick this up.

this is the typical everyday of many teenagers who suffer from anorexia or even bulimia. (ps: anorexia is when u starve urself and bulimia is when u make urself throw up) unfortunately, this has become a norm all over the world, even right here in malaysia. as a matter of fact there is a girl in my school who is rumoured *take note* to be bulimic. if its not ture, thank God. if it is, what can we do to prevent this from happening? we can try to learn more about this illness.

most people perceive anprexia and bulimia to overcome people who are weak, stupid, obsessed with looks and people who just think they're fat and are looking for an easy way out. well, instead of labeling and stigmatizing these people, lets learn to try to understand them and try to help them while we're at it. imagine if u were one of them (i hope ur not) and u were being pushed aside because nobody bothers to try to undestand you. wouldn't u be so upset, so triggered to try to get even more attention? i would.

so let's try not to develop all these negative mindsets towards these people, after all they are people too. God bless. byee..

perfect disaster

i know the title sounds bad but its not, really. hahah.. actually, i was just thinking about something in my exam today (yes yes i know i'm not supposed to be thinking of other stuf, hehe) and after a while, i came to realise that : the world is really ugly in comparison to when my mum was a kid. i'm serious?!?! is rubbish everywhere a beautiful sight? are stick thin models with ribs sticking out beautiful? are dead newborns lying on the side of the road an awesome sight? don't you think its just really really sad? i think so.

anyway, gimme a response ppl! ghosties.. whoever u are.. other than sammie, philly n ivan... lol.. byee..

all the small things

okay, i know yesterday's entry was really happy right? scrub that, today is so sucky. i'm waititng to go to school now so i decided to post whats wrong with my life right at this moment now. just to let go of it.

1. my best friend likes the guy i like and guess what he likes her (surprise surprise)
2. kenny asked yi lyn to dance for church dedication which means i'm not good enough for him
3. i want to be a designer but my dad says i should do something that 'uses my brains'
4. my brother and my sister are smarter than me
5. the OTHER guy i like is not talkingto me and i don't know why
6. all these problems seem petty compared to what others have suffered

see, my life is perfect. i gotta go.

good friends, good family.. who could ask for more?

i mean it!!! ooh, and while we're at it, let's draw up a list of my favourite things..

MY FAVOURITE THINGS
1. my family
2. my friends (u fiends!)
3. my dogs (princess and bailey)
3. rufus of kim possible!
4. anything with toasted cheese on it.. anything with cheese!
5. dancing (ballet, modern, etc)
6. handling the rough stuff (sometimes)
7. camping out
8. eating!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah baby yeah!
9. the colours green, pink and purple (green and pink in electric!)
10. last but not least, my Jesus!

yep yep yep! and don't worry philly, i didn't call u a ghost. :p and my 'husband' appears to have divorced me. oh noooo!! ;( cry loh..

kidding.. actually i dunno.. last week he said something like tht.. haha... byee..