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    Friday, September 22, 2006

    back to the drawing board

    yep, its back to the drawing board for me. i thought i was over my self defeatance, thought i'd won the battle, but it turns out i still fight it. i shall call this - kate's syndrome.

    yeah yeah i know i sound stupid. sorry! haha.. its just that my best friend told me, hey, stop being so self defeating and you will do beter. well, i'm so accustomed to doing it i dunno how to stop. its difficult when everyone else is so much better. if i get good at something i have to constantly remind myself that there's someone out there who's prettier than me, smarter than me, more interesting than me. i've done it all my life. how do i stop now?

    i guess i can always try to tell myself all the good things. somehow, i find it hard because i'm not reassured of it. like, nobody really tells me, oh ur so smart or, oh, ur so pretty. if i have to keep telling myself that, i get scared that i'll start being really obnoxious. but if ppl remind me of it, somehow i feel better.

    i guess i got low self esteem. *sighz* if anyone wonders how i keep myself 'looking' so upbeat and happy all the time, i dunno either! my head's full of poisonous thoughts but i guess its God who really protects me from them. i'm glad for that but i wanna stop the thought as well. how? how. i ask myself all the time and i dunno how.

    1 comment:

    Sammy said...

    you are pretty! and forgive me if i haven't said it before...remember that we have our different specialties, you may have not found ur talent yet..or maybe you have... but whatever you do, don't look down on urself..it's not worth it...and those who do look down on you, God will deal with them! i'm just saying... but you have me to come to whenever your down and i'll be there for you(: and if i'm not good enough...There's always God you can talk to... =D

    and believe it or not, ur lohkong is one who gives good advises too..=P o yea.. and so does philly(:
    amazingly, guys give good advice! haha.. anyways, i love you girl

    K.N.M.S.K xoxoxo`; Sammy