laugh

i have blogger's block. yes. laugh, why don't you?!?!><

i'm like a lawyer with the way i'm always trying to get you off (me+you)

Last year's wishes
Are this year's apologies
Every last time I come home
I take my last chance
To burn a bridge or two
I only keep myself this sick in the head
Cause I know how the words get you

We're the new face of failure
Prettier and younger but not any better off
Bulletproof loneliness
At best, at best

Me and you
Setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you
If I woke up next to you
Me and you
Setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you
If I woke up next to you

Collect the bad habits
That you couldn't bare to keep
Out of the woods but I love
A tree I used to lay beneath
Kiss teeth stained red
From a sour bottle baby girl
With eyes the size of baby worlds

We're the new face of failure
Prettier and younger but not any better off
Bulletproof loneliness
At best, at best

Me and you
Setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you
If I woke up next to you
Me and you
Setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you
If I woke up next to you
Me and you
Setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you
If I woke up next to you
Me and you
Setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you
If I woke up next to you

The best way
To make it through
With hearts and wrists in tact
Is to realize
Two outta three ain't bad
Ain't bad

Me and you
Setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you
If I woke up next to you
Me and you
(Honeymoon)
Setting in a honeymoon
(In a honeymoon)
Me and you
Setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you
If I woke up next to you
Me and you
Setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you
If I woke up next to you..

FOB!!

cry and weep

"oh. my. gosh. koko! you missed my call! it was from kenny!"

i said his name with an uncertain fear.

"huh? what?"
"i didn't bring my phone to ballet! didn't you hear it?"
"uhm. no."
"aiyaaa! mooomm!"
"what what?"
"kenny called! probably about the auditions!"

heart thumping. holding out hope. desperation creeps in.
if nicole got a part maybe i could've gotten one too.

"call him then. nah, use my phone."
"oh my gosh oh my gosh."

phone rings.
deet deet. deet deet.

"hello?"
"kenny? hi its kate. you called? sorry i didn't pick it up, i was in ballet and i left my phone at home."
"oh! hi kate. no wonder its so late. ah, okay. its about the auditions. the results are out."
"uhhuh? and?"

holding out hope.

"and uh, sorry to say, but you didn't get a part."

too much hope.

"oh."

"yeah, i'm really sorry but thank you for making time to come for the auditions anyway..."

everything just started to fade. kenny turned into a buzzing in my ear. i said "yes" and "uhhuh" when it sounded appropriate. i wasn't listening anymore.

"thanks kenny. bye."

"bye."

"well?"

"i didn't get a part, mom."

"oh."

"yeah. good night"

a lump starts to rise in my throat. quick kate, get out the door. rising higher. just get to your room now. sara is sleeping. i touch my doorknob - and the whole world starts to swim. i didn't get the part. i didn't get any part at all.

i sit in bed and sob. what was i thinking? that i would get the part? that i would get a part? how did that get into my head? why did i think that if maybe nicole could get a part, i could have gotten one too? did i screw up that badly? i try to sleep, try to erase these but they come flooding forth along with pints of tears.

aren't i good enough for them?

aren't i good enough?

all i needed was one chance.

i got that. i screwed it up.

i just had to prove to myself i was good enough. to do this.

but i guess i wasn't.

now what? how am i going to face nicole tomorrow? samantha? marcia? they all thought i would be cool about not getting a part.

but i'm not.

and if they asked if i was okay?

well, i'm not.

what was it i did wrong?

did meegee think i was too stiff?

did may gan think i was terrible?

did kenny think i was too fat?

WHO WHAT WHERE WHEN HOW WHY.

negative crap went through my head, hitting, biting, kicking, slapping me straight in the face. i felt like i was in a barrel being thrown about at sea. kate you're not good enough. not lively enough, not happy enough, not compassionate enough, not pretty enough, not anything enough. boy, the devil sure was having a field day, huh? so i did something i hadn't done in a really really long time.

i prayed.

and i managed to sleep. of course i woke up with puffy eyes. but oh well.

congratulations, everybody who got a part. to everybody who didn't, i'm sorry too. maybe we can be unsung heroes once again. *smiles sadly*

just say the word.

auditions

i was walking into school today and i started to think about my auditions. i thought, did i do well? would i get the part? would i get any part at all? if i didn't what would i do? was i going to freak out or cry or something? and if i did get the part, how was i going to redo my schedule? will the practices interfere with my tuitions and ballet and stuff like that? will there be alot of them, will i be able to make it to them all the time, could i be as commited as i'm expected to be? all these and more were running through my head. and i was thinking back, saying to myself, they should smile more when you go into the audition room. they shouldn't have chosen the piano room, it was too white and felt too much like going into a death room or something. there were to many mirrors, i felt so fat looking at myself in those mirrors. i didn't think i made a good impression. maybe meegee shouldn't have been there. maybe she should have. my pitching went off. was i good enough? was i bad beyond comprehension?

anyway. i was walking along, thinking about all this negative crap, trying to look at the positive and not really being able to find any. i looked around. people were still walking about talking about boys and clothes, doing their schoolwork, last minute homework and i thought, how can the world still go on? i guess it can. the world doesn't stop when you're sad or upset. it keeps going and going and it doesn't stop for you. and tht means, you'll just have to go along with the world, right? sometimes you an take a breather but you always have to go back. go back to the old routines, trying out new ones, maybe succeeding, almost not. but one thig's for sure : i had to tell myself, God's got a plan. and if its part of His plan tht you be in this musical, then you will be in it. if its not, maybe He's got something better in mind for you.

so thats my recap of the auditions. i hope i make it though. i do i do! ><

MY CBOX APPEARS TO NOT BE WORKING! PHILIP! HELP!

anyway. i don't really have much to say here. i have exams starting tomorrow! wah.. T.T who wants to do exams on a SATURDAY? well you gotta say, these people have some brains at least right? they know how to get people to come to school.. aah the evils of school. and mine is the only school having class tomorrow!!even my bm teacher said they're crazy.

i have auditions tomorrow too. auditions!!!! scary. ><>

i'm having blogger's block again. anysa suggested i start a blog writing random topic essays in it. i think i will!

the road outside my door is paved with good intentions

ivan. FOB ROCKS. XD

school is starting tomorrow. dammit! *sigh* i don't wanna go back. whats more we've got exams coming up. i think mine's like next week or something. anyway. our hip hop teacher is pregnant!! omg, right. but she's only been married about a year or so, so congrats to her. but tht means tht hip hop is gonna be stopped for, oh, i don't know. she's getting a replacement for the rest of this month and march but after that, who knows. maybe we shall get kenny to do it.. x) yo ho ho.. whooaaa...

i have blogger's block. its a disease, says lynette. i agree. lets see. what shall i rant about?

try nothing. you got me there. how about crank? lol. its a book i got a while ago. its quite interesting, i guess you can say that. about a girl who gets hooked on drugs. gets beaten up, raped and hooked onto more drugs. then she finds out she's preganant. she keeps the baby. this is actually a true story based loosely on the author's family. the girl is her daughter. its kinda sad once you think about it. getting hooked is like a disease. a real one. it eats you up and it takes over you and soon it becomes what you live, eat, breathe, it becomes everything. you don't even have to be under any kind of pressure to be hooked. all it takes is a smidgen of temptation and boom - there you go. i mean, in this story, she goes to visit her drugged up dad and there she gets hooked. she was actually a really good girl but then she went there and met a guy and he introduces her to the wonderful world of drugs and the saddest thing is that her dad actually eggs her on, encouraging her, actually telling her what different drugs do forher. not to her. for her. makes her high, makes her happy, makes her light, makes her feel on top of the world. but when she comes down, she comes down real hard. she goes home and finds more people on drugs, and there she starts getting worse, seeing dealers, buying and dealing to others, meets another girl to get high with and falls into what she calls the monster's game, and only he knows the rules. there are many ways to get down with the monster. you can snort it, smoke it, crush it and drink it. but when you come down

you

come

down

real

HARD.

joy oh joy

ghost rider. they should not have used nicholas cage. i repeat, they should NOT have used nicholas cage. they should have used johnny depp because johnny depp is WAY hotter. and a better actor. nicholas cage is so uglieeeeeeee. i bet eva mendes is now washing her mouth out with toilet cleaner. oh, and the sales of wonderbras are SURE to go out the roof. zoooom! hahaha.. oh, but.. the young johnny blaze was SO HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aieeeeeeeeeeee! sammie, right, right?? XD

fallout boy's infinity on high rocks. but, oh so clever me, i left it in nikki's place. *bashes head on wall* stupid stupid stupid. no wait, their touring manager is the stupid one. WHY CAN'T THEY COME HERE?? i do not see whats so wrong about them coming here. to malaysia. to kl. NOT TO SINGAPORE. i mean, HELLO?! you expect ME to go THERE? i say, pay me. T.T i want fallout boy to come heeerrreee...... why can't they come heeeerreee....

oh yeah. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY SAMMIE! and SU YEN! lol. hope you liked your patrick sammie. squishy patrick. *squish squish* anyway. hope you guys had great birthdays. and happy birthday to my cousin john. stop smoking, or i shall die faster than you. XD then you will carry tht to your grave, mua ha ha ha ha. not tht you read this anyway.

happy chinese new year! ^^

food food and more food. @.@ my goal for not gaining any weight this chinese new year may never be accomplished. oh well! i get paid at least. XD

i can finally get online!!!!!! and and and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TZE QUAAAANNN!! not tht u come online and read blogs ANYWAY. :P i'm just happy i can come online.

today went to nikki's place. watched half of fast and furious tokyo drift and watched ming yue grovel to nicole to go back to her place to watch the rest *hem hem, ming yoooo*. yeah, then khai, nikki, sammie and me went for dinner coz sammie was celebrating her birthday. its tomorrow by the way. yeah, it was fun, eating *alot* and then walking around and talking about crap. XD right guys right?! haha.. yeah then went back to sammie's place and had cake while they played cho tai ti. is that how you spell it? i have no idea. hmm and khai got sammie these really REALLY pretty earrings *hem hem khaii*. yeah, i liked them. and loads of sweets!!! i got her a *toooot tooot*. not to be revealed until tomorrow lest she reads this post anytime between tonight and tomorrow morning. going to watch ghostrider with isaac, ben and sammie tomorrow. awesomenessosity eh eh.

okay. i'm gonna go to sleep now. dead tired from partying and drinking all night long. omg, i'm such a bad liar! *says it like bimbo blonde*

I GOT THE FALLOUT BOY CD! THANK YOU KOR!!!!!!!!!!!

why did the blonde stare at the orange juice carton?
because it said "concentrate".
*courtesy of anysa*

Jesse Mccartney - Just So You Know

I shouldn't love you
but I want you
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you
but I can't move
I can't look away

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop
Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around,
I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know

it's getting hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way
And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around,
I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know

This emptiness is killing me
And I'm wondering why I've waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
I'm waiting here...been waiting here

Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around,
I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know

just so you know, this is the faults of nicole, geogyiana and moghana. @.@

valentines... *mmwwaah*

all the adverts for valentines day... deals, special offers, prices going up on gifts, jewelry, chocolates and roses.. love is in the air.. hearts are flying around.. smiles are lighting up.. it makes you think..

does this mean valentines day is overrated??

i don't know. maybe all the publicity that runs around it is. my mom just leaned over and said :

YES VALENTINES DAY IS OVERRATED AND EXPENSIVE.

maybe a little.
well, okay, abit more than that.
okay, okay, okay, so its quite overrated.
alright, alright. yes. it is OVERRATED.
but people like it.
i wonder why.
do you know?

think you could tell me? :p

*ooze ooze*

spongebob squarepants is the stupidest cartoon i have ever seen in my entire life.

why?
a) its brainless.
b) he's gay and has an annoying voice.
c) ITS JUST STUPID.

so why are all you people addicted to it?!?! i tried watching it the other day and i could feel my BRAINS oozing out of my ears (as i've been telling everyone).

*ooze ooze* slowly.. dripping... my head feels light..

but i do like mr crab. the money minded idiot. XD

so sue me!

woot woot

marcia n me in front of auntie poh yoke's garden.

marcia and martin. aww!

guess which hands are mine.

maximum cam whores, yeah!

fflloowweerrss...


banana cake!

two hot mamas. XD

yes.. there you have, a day of pictures. XD

enjoy!

darn.

mann! i wanted to upload pics of marcia n moi by the poolside last sunday but my stupid uploading thingy isn't working. better luck next time!

anyway. i never asked. how are my readers (if i have any left) doing? tired of listening to my self.. pitiful.. ness, i think.. XD i have figured the source of my bad moods and feeling sorry for myselfness. its from all this heat!!! omg, it just GETS to me so bad, its unbelievable. first, i feel like my skin is dry and burning up. then i start to get sweaty. thats not so bad. then the ITCHYNESS kicks in. omg, i cannot STAND being itchy. its just like.. aargh! and then the heat makes me feel tired and sluggish and when i DO sleep i wake up feeling like i was just put into an oven and i'll be sweating and all and i'll just feel really terrible. so there you are. mom says i have to learn to curb my temper. i just think i should lug an icebox full of ice and bring powder and a towel with me wherever i go. @.@

yup, so there's the reason for my angernosity and bad moods. cheerio, i feel better now!

feeling blue.

fat days are blue days.

i have fat days. usually i have none to one a week. this week, i've had THREE.

this CANNOT be good. @.@

fat days. yuck. i hate the sound of them. bleaghh... fat fat fatty days.

BLEH!

oh well. tomorrow its merentas desa. OH NO. i hate merentas desa. being forced to run. yuckety yuck yuck.

its tres awesome though, when i got to wear my bikini to go swimming last sunday. it wasn't a fat day! lol. good day good day. i want a good non-fat day. @.@

i must be going crazy. don't listen to my mindless ramble.

suffering..

i am SUFFERING. suffering from..

hottie deprivation.

ah, the throes of an all girl's school. no hotties. no uglies even!!

unless i become a lesbo. NOT LIKELY. sigh.

so here i am. liking you only because i have no one else to like. or maybe i'm becoming shtupit. or crazy. whichever.

i still love you even if i think i'm shtupit to do so.

a secret i've been keeping for so long, i've kept so well.

"RESONATE"

resonate was awesome. we didn't get to take alot of pictures, but it was still awesome. btw, awesome is my new favourite word XD.

when i got there, the first person to spot me was shammie, in the carpark. chanette and sarah voon too. then we went up and helped mom set up the booth for the men's camp thingy with my dad. mel came behind me and tickled me, she was LUCKY i didn't scream okay! i was on the verge of it, she scared me half to death. anyway, then nick saw us too and sara saw marcia, so we went in and it was all dark, i couldn't see anything! there were lights at the stage, thankfully. so we went there and found marcia and dropped our bags then i went out to find nicole. found her, grabbed her and dragged her in. we found tze quan too! and i made a new friend from china, her name is faith. dunno if i'll see her again though. hope so! ^^

at first, it didn't seem like alotta ppl were there but they started the praise and worship anyway, and it was so AWESOME!!! hahah... the exist band rocks. as the music started, more and more people came in. lynette arrived and told us khai couldn't come, awwww.. marcia and i were disappointed. but some things can't be helped, i guess. we wished you were there khaii!! ^^ then, yeah, JUWITA SUWITO CAME AND SANG!!!! she's awesome, she really is. oh yeah, and to my dear ms. kow, your dear *ahem ahem* was like on the stage the WHOLE time eh *nudge nudge*. anyway, yeah, then ps lee choo came and gave her sermon. she was so KEE-YOOT! i loved her pants and shoes. tze quan said she looked like a pop star *kekk kekk*! but she was so cute, jumping up and down and squealing and everything!!! then we had to pray for the parents, and i felt this hand pull at me and it was emilyn's mom. so i pulled lynette with me. ><

AND I MET JUWITA SUWITO IN THE LIFT! SHE SIGNED MY PURSE AND WE GOT A PICTURE!!!!!! yay meee, yay meeee. well, thats it folks. love you guys! khai and sammie, wish you guys were there too. :) next time yah!

death by homework

my home work says :

*die die*
*stabstab*
*bleedbleed*

shtupit homework.

I WANT A FAMOUS FACE (not)

okay, i know this is a weird topic, but i so happened to be reading so much about it i thought it may be a good thing to blog about. plus, once you hear the extreme measures people go through, you'll be stunned. i was, its crazy.

plastic surgery.

*everyone's eyes pop*

hahah... i just read this book called 'fix' and an article in Girlfriend magazine. according to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons (betcha never knew it existed!), teens account for 4% of the US plastic surgery market - a 14% rise since 2003.

why are teens doing this for? well, for one thing, you only have to step out into the malls and there you'll find the answer. we can see those osim uzap girls parading around one utama and ikano and we see newsstands with magazines with these supah hot models and celebrities on them posing and then we see these gorgeous skinny things floating around with hotties anging on their arms panting and drooling and showing them off like prized trophies. areyou surprised? has society brainwashed us to see these as "beautiful"? so much so that girls who are considered as "fat" or "tubby" will go to extreme measures just to look like one of these little things, just so we can fit into what the society, what the world sees as "beautiful". extreme measures are? crash diets to extreme makeovers to going under the knife to physically alter your body.

however. most teens don't realize the risks and trauma they're putting their bodies through. all they want is the end result, what they see when the plastic surgeon digitally alters their image and thts what they see.

as with any medical procedures, there are always risks and side effects. negligence claims against plastic surgeons who've done botched jobs has jumped more than 70% between 1995 to 2004. industry experts blame it on the increasing number of unqualified cosmetic doctors and a boom in overseas surgery. more and more young girls are going to Asia where they canhave their surgeries done at a fraction of the cost of an Australian clinic. unfortunately, many of these so called cosmetic surgeons are NOT qualified, leadig to disastrous results - from hideous scarring to infected breast implants to failed tummy tucks. one young australian woman ended up with a 2cm bald strip across her scalp after a bptched eyebrow lift in thailand, another returned home with no cleavage after her breast enlargement ended in disaster while another's breast implants ended up as high as her collarbones. if that wasn't scary enough, there is also the risk of hepatitis and HIV *adapted from Australian magazine, Girlfriend*

but some teens actually know all the risks, all the procedures, all the side effects. so why do they still do this? think about it. turn around. look! there's jessica simpson in her hot pants strutting around. turn around the other way. look! there's paris hilton in her flesh showing dresses and the shrinking bodays of nicole richie and lindsay lohan. these are considered "the perfect bodies". are they really? if you ask me they look plain awful, but look what the world has brainwashed us into thinking. i have friends *guilty as charged, you know who you are!* who look perfect to me, saying "i'm so fat now! i need to get skinnier" and quite often i feel like screaming. these people are already in their perfect shape, these people are all of twelve and thirteen and already they're talking about diets and exercise regimes. i mean, hello?!?!!? what the heck is going on around here? are we doing this to please people around us or to please ourselves. i can tell you, three quarters of it is trying to please others. i wanna be skinny too, but i know that i wanna be skinny just to please others, to be goggled at, but its not the life for me. who WANTS to have to worry about how many calories are in your next meal? who WANTS to have to constantly worry about what other people think? who WANTS to go through everyday knowing the only reason they're beautiful is because its NOT real? who WANTS to go through everyday having to worry about they're silicone boob implants breaking and leaking or having to worry about the cost of their next surgery?

certainly NOT the life for me. what about you?

i've been thinking about this question ALOT lately, way more time than i should be using to think about it, but oh well.. the question is, what is real love to me and to the people around me?

well.. my answer to that question would be this : i truly believe that love is a friendship on fire. i want my lover to be my best friend as well. real love is when the thought of that one special person just touches your mind and you feel all happy and you just smile. when you can go around all day and not have to worry about them all the time but yet thet're always on your mind. when you want to let them know you love them and when you just say "i.." they finish the sentence for you. love is when you can talk to that person about anything and everything, whether it makes sense or not. its when they laugh with you when you're happy or cry with you when you're sad. they know what makes you happy and what makes you sad. when trials come your way, they do their best to protect you or to help you. its when you KNOW that things are gonna work out fine just because they are there. they don't have to like the same things you do, and they know how to make you talk and laugh and smile and argue with them in a friendly manner. you don't have to touch or kiss or hold hands, all you have to do is look at them and smile and you know you're loved, you're safe, you're wanted and you're needed. when you KNOW that yeah, THIS is the person you wanna spend the rest of your life with because they make you feel comfortable, they allow you to make your mistakes and they hold your hand throught he consequences, you wanna spend your life with them because of the sole reason, that you love them.

so yup, thats it. what about you guys?

when i was small..

when i was small (and still undeniably adorable) i used to have these big big dreams. i mean, really big. i was gonna grow up and get good good grades in school, so good that my mommy was gonna tell everybody how good i was. then i would go to the best college or university in the world and when i finished there, i was going to be rich and famous, a singer or a dancer or something. everyone, EVERYONE was gonna love me and the world was gonna kiss my feet (i was extremely ambitious. some people may say i was kiasu XD). i'd buy a mansion for my parents and let them have their own servants and everything.

and then my love life would kick in. hahaha.. i was such a dreamer about my love life, i'm a sucker for romance.. well.. then one day, i would be just walking around looking at something and then he would see me as a vision of pure simple beauty.. he'd come up to me and ask my name. and everything would escalate from there, he'd take me on the most romantic dates, candlelit dinner, picnics by the beach, everything you can think of.. he would do the cutest things for me like leave notes on my door and flowers and chocolates on my doorstep.. and when i was sad he would come and cuddle up with me and tell me everything would be okay.. and then one night, when we were sitting under the stars, he would suddenly propose to me.. and yup.. we'd get married in a beautiful church and live in an amazing house..and the rest.. is inside my head, you guys don't need to know.. :P

anyway.. today was the first day back in nst! we were supposed to write letter to our future selves.. and well, i haven't gotten round to doing that yet.. maybe the next post i will.. anyway, its getting late and i have tuition at 8am tomorrow morning.. so good night ppl! :)

MOMMIEEEE! and forgotten person, heheh

thish ish for my mommy... :D

mommy, i love yah, i love yah love yah love yah... ^^ thanks for the whole of 2006 and thirteen years before that. i want you to know that you really are the greatest mom i can have especially when you're the only one i have! :) thanks for all the times that you've listened to me and the times that you heard me talk. i hope you know how much i appreciate you for all that. i'm sorry for eveything wrong i've done to you, the lies, the disappointments.. everything.. i hope you forgive me and i hope we'll put it behind us and move into the new year with no more burdens and hurts.. i love you, truly i do! :) *mwaah* i just hope you know that as we go through more trials and more tribulations, that you know i'll be there when you need o vent or something.. lol.. :) God bless, i love you!!!!!!

people i forgot to put into the first post! sowee!

marcia : i love you my cousin! hahaha.. you're more like my good friend than that and most people do NOT believe that we're related.. :P here's some advice ><

1. STOP being negative about yourself.
2. stop BEING negative about yourself.
3. stop being NEGATIVE about yourself.
4. stop being negative ABOUT yourself.
5. stop being negative about YOURSELF.

yay! move into the new year HAPPY! :) PS. if you talk about money again, i swear i'm gonna take it all away from you. *grins* i love yah!

tze quan : two words: you rock. and thats ALL i need to say. :)

isaac : you are so weird.. :P hahaha.. but i'm glad to have met you in 'click click carrot and stick' and i hope we'll continue to be friends! i hope that all through 2007, i'll get to know you better.. and expect late night calls from me asking you about math homework, okay? can't say i warned you.. :D love yah! :)

and i think thats it.. :) bye all!

new year, new days, new starts and new relationships

happy new year everybody! it seems like just yesterday i was reminiscing about 2006.. wait, it was just yesterday.. hehe.. :) anyway.. here goes.

people i wanna acknowledge for seeing me through the year of 2006.

nicole : last year marked the 10th year of our friendship and i felt that God really put our friendship to the ultimate test last year. you tested my faith, my strength and especially, my patience *keekee*. thank you for being there for me when i needed you and for being blunt when i needed it most. for being real to me and for being such a pain in my ass. that helped me build my patience, lol. most of all, i'm glad i met you 10 years ago because if i hadn't, God knows where i would be right now. thank you, biatch, i love you.i wanna apologize if i have done any wrong towards yo and i hope you will forgive me as i forgive you the wrongs you have done towards me, intentional or unintentional. :)

samantha : i have gotten to know you so much better through the past year and i have seen you grow and become a more matured person than you were when you first came. you broke your bondages and you were set free. a piece of advice : don't let the throes of "love" get to you. you are so young and have so much more to learn about it. love is something that cannot be comprehended easily and cannot be forced or pushed. i pray for you that this year will be a year of learning of what exactly love is. thanks for all the late nights and smses and chats and thank you for keeping my secrets. i hope that even as or friendship grows, that i will know you better and i hope i can be of help to you. i'm sorry for any wrongs and i sincerely hope you forgive me. i forgive you for your wrongs because i know that none of them were intentional. i love you. :)

shammie : first off, i want to apologize for isolating you and for ignoring you even when i saw how clearly you crying out for help. i hope you forgive me. it was simply awkward to talk to you after all the "stories" i heard. that was very wrong of me and i sincerely apologize. even as this is the new year, i pray we will start afresh a new friendship. i pray this year will be a great ear for you, of learning and of loving unconditionally. i hope that this year, you will learn not to depend on boys or even other people, but you will learn to depend on God more and more. He loves you so so much. do what pleases Him and He will bless you. :)

nick : thank you, nick. thank you for everything this year. i apologize if i hurt you in any way, and i know i have. please forgive me, for i did it out of the best of intentions. i hope that you will find peace in a new start and in a new year. i pray that you will learn to depend on God more than ever. and i pray for a good friendship. i know that you go through alot of hardships and i want you to know that, hey, man will fail you. again and again and again. but you know what? you have inside your heart a God who loves you, protects you and who loves you unconditionally. He will never ever fail you. He will carry you when you are too tired to walk anymore and when you look back on your life, you will see only one set of footprints when you in times of trial. those are the times He carries you. He died for you. He rose again. He loves you. and He will not fail you. God bless you. :)

michelle proctor : okay, not like you will EVER read this blog, i don't expect you too. but here's what i wanna say : i have so much respect for you. your perseverance and your amazing faith in God. reading your story in the 10th anniversary publication has inspired me and given me faith. i'm glad i had the oppurtunity to work alongside you before you left for england. i pray you will find your calling there and may God be with you wherever you go. God bless you, miss michelle proctor, and i will never forget you for your hard work and scoldings*hahaha..*. :)

timothy : remember the times in the old church buildings when a group of us would go into the dome or the dance room and just talk about everything under the sun? i remember those times well and those were the best times. now : what has happened to the timothy we knew? he is now an introvert and appears to be dependant on people, especialy the opposite sex. tim.. i miss the old tim. the one who wasn't afraid to spell out his opinions and feelings and who was dependant on the only One who truly loved him. i pray that this year, you will begin to get to know yourself better. spiritually. what we see now is a shadow of your former self. you are no longer there. there is only so much that we, as your friends, can help you with. but i am confident that God is able to guard what you have entrusted Him. don't misuse that trust, tim. God loves you and we love you and we hope you will come back to being the timothy we knew. i just wanna be your friend and i will try. but you have to want to help yourself. i pray for you everyday. :) come back, tim, come back. we truly miss you.

philip : we didn't talk much last year! but thank you anyway for listening to me when i opened my big mouth and started babbling about nonsense that you probably didn't even care about.. :P well, i hope that we'll get to talk more about stuff and yeap, you take care. we're gonna miss you if you go away! don't go away... :( hahha.. well, i hope you know when God has called you there! :)

melissa tee : i love you my dahling! even when you open your big fat mouth.. >:3 well, we all do that, don't we? hahaha.. i've gotten to know you so much better all through last year and i hope that we shall remain friends throughout the conflicts and trials we always have! i hope you will find peace and a place to put your burdens, your hurts, your regrets and your pains down. God is willing to take them away from you if you will only just let Him. He is all too willing to do that for you. God bless you my dear! i love you loads. :)

ivan : you truly are one of the horniest guys i know!!!!!!!!! hahaha.. :P but we love you for it, i guess.. hahah.. i have a new year's resolution for u! stop writing like an ah beng in your smses, its annoying!!!!!! lol.. i guess thats what makes you you.. anyway.. i'm so glad i know you, if i didn't i'd probably cry when somebody calls me 'city girl'.. and yup.. i'm glad to have shared your romantic escapades with you and i'm glad to have been with you through them.. i wanna apologize if there's anything i've done to offend you *like being anoying, i do that alot* and i hope you forgive me.. i love you man, you're my good friend. God bless! you'll become a great leader.

inessa : girl, you're name wil go down in history some day! i admire your creativity, your originality and your confidence. watching you at your artwork is inspiring and i think its just incredible!i'm really glad that i got to know you even during the mother daughter thingy and you've truly been a blessing to me. :) i mean it, you are. keep being incredible, keep being original. thats what i truly love about you. just keep being who you are inessa! there's no need to be anyone else. :P

khai weng : heyy kura.. first off, i wanna apologize to you because i know i piss you off alot.. :P i don't know why, it just happens.. well, i'm sorry about it and i hope you can forgive me.. sorry i'm annoying and irritating, its just how i am at times... but hey, thats me. i hope you can accept me like that. anyway, getting to know you since kidzone boot camp has been a blessing to me and i hope to get to know you better even in 2007. i pray God will give you the patience to put up with me and my annoyingness.. XD God bless you!! i hope you won't feel lonely again.. :)

lynette : mommy! lol. thanks for being there at awkward times *you know* and for just being my friend. you're a great person and i just know that God will mould you and shape you into a woman of His Word. just keep going strong because i know you're facing some trials right now. but remember that, we're your friends, you can talk to us anytime. :)

to everybody else i've met this year, debbie, may gan, i love you guys and i hope you guys will continue to love! :)

pictures

hey people, here are some of the pictures from dbd and the past holiday.. loads, so enjoy!

this is michel and the gang being scary. this is khai and marcia. lol!

auntie lee choo!

sammie n me!justin and ronnie. @.@ michelle proctor and her powerpuff girls -

mel and sammie, they went home early.

the long house of dbd! :D

dillon, may gan, sammie, joanna, me, christine and marcia! *mwaks babes (and boy)*

this is princess! she's my dog. this pic was taken a while back. i decided to finally reveal her to the world! wakaka.. i sound deranged don't i? oh well.. when we first got her, she could fit through the square grills in the gate. now, only her head fits. @.@ it seems like just yesterday she could fit under my arm. now.. well, if i tried to carry her now, i'd probably fall down and be crushed under her weight.. and then die.. X.X

anyway.. yeah.. i've got nothing better to do.. here r some pics when my mom's good friend auntie peng came back..

first, thats when i went out with my grandma to watch happy feet! *sho cute* so anyway. thats me, sara, my grandma and my mom in front of the fountain at the curve.. this is a nice pic..

thats aunty peng's daughter, amy. she's nice. :D and sara and me.

gotta go!

the story teller

sometimes i sit down and i think that i'm not actually there. its kind of weird to explain. its like you're looking down n yourself and watching your own story unfold before your eyes. but you don't know what happens next. i look at the situations i'm facing but its like i'm not really there... i guess you guys probably think i'm crapping right? haha.. maybe i am.. i honestly don't know how to explain all this.. its like i'm in this alternate universe where i'm watching myself live and berate myself for the shtupit things i do *kee kee*. ahh.. don't know how to explain it.. anyway...

i want.. a waffle. from waffle. belgian waffle. with vanilla ice cream. YUM.

but thenn.. i need to exercise. getting fat again. T.T anyone wanna go swimmin with me? i don't like the gym. maybe i should go dance. but no more classes. ew. the winx look like their heads are too big. O.O anyway. i really want a waffle. i heard that if u get a craving, u should paint ur nails. by the time ur nails have dried, your craving would have gone away. but i don't have any nail polish. @.@ ehat shall i do?

eat somemore. good idea.

oh. and i think i'm getting addicted to the internet. @.@ i should find something else to do. ngiuu.. like.. like..

homework? nah.

housework? nah.

more internet? yeah sounds good to me.

miaow.

@.@

let's pretend you're mine.





we can just pretend.





you got what i like.





you got what i like, i got what you like.





oh, come on.





just one taste and you want more.





so tell me what you're waiting for.





whatever life holds.


we'll face it together.


take my hand.


i'll hold you forever.


in love we'll see the truth.

me n nicole on her carpet at her house.. lol.. marcia was all "CLEAVAGE!!!!!" when she saw this pic.. shh marcia! my secret! anyway.. lol.. i was just thinking the other day and i was like, wow, how long have nicole and i been friends? 10 years now? we met in ballet.. and we've gone on trips to singapore together *with our families of course*.. to watch dance productions.. even right here in Kl we've gone to watch dance productions.. we've performed together.. i know her house like the back of my hand and she knows mine.. i know her best *and worst* habits.. well, almost all of them anyway.. lol.. and she likes sour stuff.. i like sweet.. she likes chick flicks while i like novels and such.. and yeah, she likes to put makeup and i don't.. lol i can't tahan stage makeup.. yucky yuck yuck.. i guess everyday makeup isn't so bad but its too much trouble.. lol.. well.. yeah.. i was just reminiscing.. nikki biatch.. love ya baby... and ya gotta know it *in the immortal words of marcia*! counting the minutes till u get home from kk..

Iko Anak Tuhan

mua ha ha.. i took this from emilyn's blog..
Iko Anak Tuhan

Ui menani
Ngacehku awa
Luk pangeh bire
Kuan ulun ku
Yesus pinate ku libal sala ku

Ui ngedita
Ngacehku awa
Luk pangeh bire
Kuan ulun ku
Yesus pinate ku libal sala ku

Ui ngedita
Ngadan mu
Ngaceh ku iko anak Tuhan
Ui pian ngubur namu
Ngaceh ku iko lun mengulun
Ui ngedita
Ngadan mu
Ngaceh ku iko anak Tuhan
Ui menani
Ui ngubur
O...ngadan mu.

booooootyfull song.. lol..

drunk before dawn

wow.. what a long weekend that was.. drunk before dawn is now over in kl and is going to sabah! some of them are going today and the rest are going tomorrow.. last night was the last night and the crew had to give bouquets to the composers, lyricists, directors, bla bla bla.. and guess what? i panicked. big time. okay, timothy ng came out late and then chanette came out at the wrong time so i panicked and was left standing on the stage feeling stupid. AARGH.. >< well.. i guess these thing do 'appen innit? lol.. i got alot of good pics of the cast n crew... i'll post them the next time i learn how to upload them from the camera into the computer.. lol.. my brother knows, i have to get him to teach me..

you know what? the real Raut's grandson was here. what a testimonial. he's a drummer for the orchestra. i don't know what his name is though. darn! anyway. and then the dayung's grandson, Rommie, was in the musical as well. he's so nice! i got a pic of him dancing around haha.. i think there should be a pic of him in the dbd official website.. let me check..

yay! i found one. that's Rommie. last night he asked me how old i was and his eyes popped when he found out i was fourteen haha... well.. he gave me some valuable advice.. he said,"anyone can 'be there'. but to be there and maintain that is difficult and takes work. keep it up." and you know what? he's 31 years old! he so does not look 31 years old! i thought he was maybe, 23 years old or something. anyway.. i hope he gets home well. i hope to see him again and to talk to him again. goodbye Rommie! it was nice meeting you.

okay. anyway, what else happened.. hmm.. oh yeah, mee gee gave me a pressie for christmas! she gave one to everyone. its a butterfly thingy. i'll put in the pic, its really pretty. then melissa(aide two) gave us all sweets *so sweet of her!* and pastor lee choo gave us teddy bears! i thought that was cute. i'll put in all the pics later lah. hahah gotta wait for my brother to come home from work first.

oh yes! did i mention how much fun it is giving Kal Ter a hard time? its sooo fun!! mua ha ha ha ha... Kal Ter, if you read this, you'll prolly conveniently forget to invite us to your wedding hahahaha... okay i've gotta go now.. mom wants to take us to hartamas shopping centre or someting like that.. :D so now i have to take a shower.. haha.. *shtinky-poo*

oh, did i mention that today was the latest ever i slept? i woke up at 11.10am.. well, i only got to sleep around 2.30am last night.. so i got excuse right? haha.. buai..

MORE CUTISH THINGS

look the doggie's tushie is up!!!!

ROLLS OF PANDAS! ROLY POLY BLACK-AND-WHITE BALLS!!

will you be my fwen.. ? O.O

mummy, mummy, lookie what i found!

i'll share this bone with you if you give me a thousand bucks now.

i just can't get enough of these. ^^

the note in my dream

"Kate! here."

you come up to me and hand me a note. red and blue paper. i open it. it says :

'it was quiet. no one was with me. all was dark. nothing but the light of the computer to guide my eyes through your musings. i read through your emotions. through all that you thought. all that was in that pretty head of yours.

i liked it. and then i read what you thought of me. how you felt for me. and i thought..

maybe i could love you too."

i looked up and you were there. leaning closer to me.

"wake up."

closer.

"wake up."

so close we almost touch.. your lips almost brush against mine.. and then..

"WAKE UP KIDS LET'S GO FOR BREAKFAST!!!!"

i jerked awake. awwwwwww mannnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! crap crap crap.

what a way to start the day. -.-

CUTE STUFF

this kitty looks mad.

PUPPIEE IN A FIELD!

bunneh.

BLOBULE!

I WUB THE POOPIE!

LOOKIE WHAT I FOUND!!!!!!!

christmas time is coming!

aah.. christmas time.. the time of going from house to house for dinners, the time for giving and receiving, the time for kissing under the mistletoe, the time for celebrating the birth of Christ. i like christmas. kids like christmas for the presents. couples like christmas because they have even more of an excuse to make out. restauranteurs like christmas because they make a whole lot more business then. mothers like christmas because the whole family comes together. fathers like christmas.. well, i don't know if they do. :P maybe its for the presents as well.

i like christmas. why? maybe its because i get presents! of course, who doesn't love them. haha... or maybe its because i get to kiss someone under mistletoe! except, ya know, that hasn't happened yet, not once in 14 years. i have et for that to happen. maybe its the way everyone in the family gathers to eat, drink and be merry. well. they stay at your house until 1 o clock in the morning and those relatives who have been away for a long time look at you and tell you how tall you are and how pretty you are now and why don't you have a boyfriend yet and why don't you eat somemore.. -.- i hate that part.. otherwise, i don't mind.

so what is it about christmas that i like? i love the atmosphere, i love the tree, i love the time of the year! i just love it. its so fun. parties, church, people. yeah. i love christmas. :D

you know, being alone on christmas sucks. but you don't have to be. go and crash everyone's house, grab some friends and crash the mall! guaranteed fun.

who wants to watch eragon? let's go on christmas eve!!!!!!!!!!!

are we growing up or just getting old?

today was the last official NSt service of 2006 and andy koko shared today. he went a little off the title above, going more into respect and love. he asked what he meant by 'growing up' and 'getting old'. to me, growing up would mean getting more mature, a little bit wiser everyday, a little bit more experienced every moment. getting old is just a number, and it could mean you're aging without any real experience, without knowing what love is and how to love. anyway. after a while, andy koko pointed out 1 corinthians 13, 'love is patient love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast...' i'm pretty sure u guys all know it, right. then he asked us to replace the word 'love' with our name. and we were laughing while we did and andy koko askede us why we laughed and we didn't really have answer for that and he told us, its because we know its not true. then he said to replace the word 'love' with the name of Jesus. and that made perfect sense to me. Jesus is perfect. He is love. it makes sense! it makes sense to me. so grow into that. grow into love and let love consume you, letit just swallow you whole. only God's love is so big, so great, so amazing, it can do that. it seems impossible. i thought it was. but its not.

i came to know the Lord in sunday school when i was, i don't know, 7 yrs old? anyway, i just thought church was something fun, something just to fill my time. i was okay in my first three years of primary school. when i went into standard four, things started to change for me, coz when you're standard four, boys start to look better, people start to be cooler, and you just wanna fit in. by standard six, i had back slidden so so much. not to say people hated me, but nobody really liked me and i had no idea who my real friends were. i had no sense of self. i cried myself to sleep almost every night. i swore all the time, i felt filthy. almost every kid in school had seen 'da finger'. i came home every night, a liar, a filthy liar. how could God love someone so filthy? then there was the time my parents almost had a divorce. i was devastated. but that was the time that really shook me up. i had no where to go! i was tapped, the devil had me right where he wanted me. i would look at the knives in the kitchen, the pills in the medicine box and the razor in the bathroom. suicidal thought crossed my mind, day in and day out. but God intervened for me. where i had failed, He had succeeded and where i had fallen, He took my bruises for me. i turned to Him. and never had i felt so overwhelmed with peace, joy, and most of all, hope. hope was so great. it was just amazing. and thanks to supportive family, friends and leaders, here i stand today. i still fall, i still learn. but day by day, God helps me through by putting great people in my life. i am whole again.

getting sick really sucks:(

yeeeaaap.. it sure does.. and it make khai worry alot too! haha.. super funny, we were talking with lynette and sammie(who are also sick) online and khai kept putting in big letters 'get better soon!' tonight its since 1991's party! i'm feeling better now, i hope i survive. lol. then gotta go for dbd after that. and before the party, i have to go for ballet! sei lah.. :/ ooh, we got a new camera!!!! super cool.. now i cam. whore alot.. haha.. i should post some pictures but i don't know how.. hahah.. i should get me dad to do for me.. anyway.. i don't know what to write.. not much happening other than the super late nights at dbd practice.. we start at like, 8pm and finish at 12am.. its seriously crazy.. what more this crazy weather.. no wonder everyone is sick.. timothy, nicole, samantha, melissa, lynette, marcia.. me! sighz.. now we need kim to get sick, then it'll really be KNMSK! wakaka.. ish.. khai no answering me.. he says he blogs everyday.. i tell you now, khai, after a month you won't want to blog for a while.. haha.. same thing here wadd.. i updated mine everyday, but now i only update it once in a while.. haha.. oh snap.. i think i'm going to geta cold sore from blowing my nose so often.. shucks.. i bit the inside of my cheek by accident yesterday.. it hurts ALOT.. and i've been drinking what feels like GALLONS of water since monday trying to ward off this cursed sore throat and IT DIDN'T WORK! grr.. anyway, according to mom, i haven't been drinking gallons, so i guess thats why lah. do you have any idea how many things i have to do now?! i have to take vitamin c, gargle listerine, take cough medicine, take cold tablets, and suck dequadin(its like strepsils, but tastes nicer). so tedious.. sigh.. i guess its worth it if i get better.. grr, i think its going to rain.. this accursed weather.. making ppl sick.. it was so hot one hour ago and now the sky is rolling with thunder.. the sun is still out though.. this is truly weather gone mad.. grr.. i think i should go take in the clothes.. byee! :D