fairy tales

once upon a time,

in a land far far away, there lived a young girl who dreamed of princes and castles, butterflies and love. unfortunately,

*snap*

this is the real world baby. hahah.. yeah yeah, i'm tht fairy tale girl.. i'll continue with it later, i have to go now. i was just.. being random. :P

quotes

they say that love is the most beautiful of dreams and also the worst of nightmares. shakespeare said this. or at least the one on hallmark did!

the hardest thing to govern is the heart. queen elizabeth on hallmark.

" there's this thing thats coming against me and no matter what defences i put up, it just keeps coming! whats it called?"
"life."
amy and maxine gray, judging amy, hallmark

we love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19

don't let anyone look down on you because you are young but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. 1 Timothy 4:12

today is a trace surviving the past of all my hurts and fears reality's ugly face appears every pain that i denied now echoes loud and clear today. relic, pastor kay.

you've truly blessed me and so many others by your extravagant smiles and friendship. thanks so much for blessing me. keep in touch and God bless. rachel ng, narrowstreet.

you sleeping dy? ... k la sorry to disturb your beauty sleep :P. by the way your a good friend kate. :) philly, narrowstreet.

its times like these when i think of you and i wonder if you ever think of me.. vanessa carlton, a thousand miles.

i don't want another pretty face i don't want just anyone to hold i don't want my love to go to waste i want you and your beautiful soul.. jesse mccartney, beautiful soul.

i got whipped! jesse metcalfe, john tucker must die.

don't get mad. get even. john tucker must die.

i don't wave to people, people wave to me. spoilt brat, america, my super sweet sixteen.

treasures in my heart

hey unfaithful i will teach you to be stronger to be strong
hey ungraceful i will teach you to forgive one another
hey unloving i will love you i will love you

these words gave me a glimmer of hope when i was feeling really down a couple of days ago. this song is by underoath (the name of the song escapes me) and i was so encouraged by it i just cried and cried and tears just ran down my face freely as i thought, God is this really possible that you could teach me these things? and there was this amazing dawning that came down on me that yeah, this really could happen. for the past few weeks i'd been feeling empty and there was just nothing in me anymore. like, poof! eveything gone.

i guess that i had been emotionally drained over quite a few things and the fact that i failed my history (damn!) was the last straw. after that i just stopped feeling anymore, i ws so tired of it. but i'm glad that that song brought me back to where i am now and who i will be soon.

well, now, dbd is coming soon! and its going to kk too! although, i may not be going. if there's not enough money, then i'll have to pay for my own plane ticket and sleep in the apartment lounge of pastor kay and michelle proctor. don't be scared ppl, this isn't some sort of military camp. hahah.. but then, honestly, i'm kinda scared of sleeping alone, especially in the lounge. yeah, i have this thing about sleeping and even being alone. its freeeeaaakay... in the words of sammiee.. lol..

i guess it'll be okay right? haha.. after all, i've got God! yay meee... haah.. well, it started a couple of years ago when i watched this horror movie and i wasn't able to sleep for ages and ages. even now sometimes i can't sleep. i don't know why.. kinda silly, huh? lol.. nvm, i'm getting over it already.. probably it'll take what, two more years? hahaha.. oops okay i gtg! owh yah, there's this line from bring it on tht i like.. its by these black girls who r seriously hot so it has their names in it.. i thought it was catchy though.. lol..

my name is letti (yeah)
i like to party (yeh)
when i shake it (yeah)
the boys say 'aye mami!

my name's camille (yeah)
give you three wishes (yeah)
when i shake it (yeah)
i'm delicious

my name's kareesha (yeah)
(i forgot this part) (yeah)
when i shake it (yeah)
its like an earthquake

hot right? hahah.. byee!

loose lips sink ships

so many things seem to have happened even over the weekend! in a span of two days so many things can spring up and get crushed. haha.. well.. right now i'm watching desperate house wives cause there's nothing much to watch.. last saturday was really good.. cell with may gan is really fun cause we talk alot.. eeee my mummy is trying to tickle meeee!! nuuu.... ;p anyway as i was saying.. don't you just love talking i love talking talking is so fun don't you think i could just talk all day long and yes right now i'm going high.. haha.. ooh guess what?! i'm in the SIB calender! okay so its a crappy picture tht was from what, two three years ago in kidzone and well, there's one big group of us, like nicole is there, tze quan, koko andy and all.. but still, i'm in the calender! yay meee... then there's this big pic of ivan there haha.. so yeah we're all famous.. except philly n sammie aren't there.. =( owh welll... hopefully nxt year they might... lol!

omg i never quite realised tht desperate housewives was sooo dramatic! *tsk tsk* hahaha.. well yesterday my brother put on one tree hill on dvd and there was this episode tht was based on the columbine shooting. predictable but it was good. it started with this kid who was one of the 'fat asses' of the school and u know how the 'fat asses' of the schools or even those considered to be of 'lower class' in comparison to the jocks , cheerleaders, yadayada u guys know the story, well, u guys know how they get bullied and pushed around right? yeah, so this one guy cracks one day and he brings a gun to school. so he walks into the school like any other day to find these losers (jocks) crapping up his locker and throwing everything out and messing it up (so immature!) and he just gets mad so he takes his gun out and tries to shoot but everyine ducks and he shoots glass. only a few students see him and he himself hides out with some other students, students who were supposed to be his friends last time. so they don't know he's got the gun until nathan comes to save haley, who is stuck with them. then this kid panics and locks the door and brings out his gun. then comes a whole series of self confessions. and i only saw up to there so i dunno what happened. but there's something the kid said tht got me. he said : "tell me when was the last time you ignored someone who wasn't up to your standard? when was the last time you bullied someone without bothering to find out about him? or did u even care? you think about tht and then u tell me if there's anyone else out there?"

tht really got me thinking and i guess tht, hey, we've all done tht right? so i was thinking, hey, why don't we try to get to know these people properly? you never know, you might actually find tht these ppl are really worth while. they may not be all that, but they are real. not like those fakers out there who just wanna be popular. thts not real. this is the real world. so yeah.

egg heads

DARYL IS BALD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahaha.... omg i can't wait to see it when we go to kk! it'll be hilarious... we hv a few egg heads in church too.. of course the infamous CHRIS N SAMUEL WEE! hahahaha.. but now chris says tht he has a pimple on his head.. may gan checked it and guess wat?!?! there was hair growing out of it!!!! gross!! hahah... well i thought it was pretty gross and pretty cool at the same time.

owh, and nicole's swelled up toe is swollen no more! how did it get swollen? well, all those who read this blog would know, but i'm gonna write it down anyway! :D well, timothy was at nicole's house(this is his side of the story) and he took a kickapoo out of the fridge in her upstairs tv room. and then (according to tim) nicole, out of all greediness(according to tim!) tried to grab the kickapoo can from timothy and it slipped out of their hands and guess what? landed on her toe! *oooops* to this day i still wonder who's fault it was.. hm.. we may never know! :P anyway so now her toenail is no longer attached to her nail bed.. it looks kinda cool actually.. *erk*

hahah.. okay i gotta go.. byee! owh and here's something the shakespeare from hallmark said : "the eyes are the window to the soul.. but sometimes we all need good window cleaners!" i agree!

wowee! seems like everything is going well for me all of a sudden. remember i was moaning and groaning about everything? lookie here! 5 minutes ago i was asked to dance for church dedication with yi lyn, i'm getting a bikini from the U.S. from my auntie, and guess what, me best friend is talking to me again! well, okay so the last one is no biggie but for me it is! :p

and yay! PMR is over and now my PMR friends are free! lol, now i hv to wait for SPM to finish before i can rejoice for my bro. he and his friends (eg. khye shin, joshua) are gonna be having a cookout at the end of the year. samantha and i were just messing around with the idea of a halloween party the other day. i think it'll be cool but i don't think it'll happen. owh well, we can dream can't we? lol! and i don't have to go to school today on account of the haze!!!!!! yay me!

there is one more thing i would like to be able to fix now though. i have this friend of mine who i was close to but now we have grown apart because of unmentionablesss... anyway, i just hope i'll be able to become her friend again and be genuine to her. hopefully. i will try!! :p and, girl, you know who you are.

gotta go!

letter to God

Dear God,

hi there! how is heaven like? i wish i could know now so tht i would have a good picture of it. but i guess i'll have to make do with words from the Bible and images in my head for now. i wonder how You make space in Your head to think of every single person on earth. i mean, how?!?! i guess its something tht the human mind is unable to comprehend. but i do wonder abt it alot. i mean, wow. You must have a really really big head to be able to remember all of us. i know You've got a really big heart too!

what do You think about all the stuff that's going on in church? in my church anyway. i know there are so many churches but what do you think of all the issues going on in my church? the hatred, the mutual disagreements and the walls between ppl. are You sad? i am. sometimes i think tht nothing will get better but then You always reassure me tht it will. i sure hope it will. i trust You. :) i guess that i will just have to cling on to the simple faith tht i have in You. sometimes thats all tht keeps me going.

God, remember when i had bad days and i felt like i wanted to go and die? i'm sure You remember. but i gotta say, thank You for knocking me on the head and making me come to my senses. :) i've got to go and sleep now God. good night. i hope You rest too.

I love You.

love, kate

dreams and fantasies

lol! don't we all have dreams and fantasies? mine are :

1. go to a chocolate factory and sample EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!
2. wear the shoes Christina Aguilera wore in her video 'Ain't No Other Man'
3. design and sew my own clothes
3. buy a house and get a personal maid for my parents
4. meet Jamie Oliver and have him cook for me (yay!)
5. take my mum to meet Oprah Winfrey
6. have the guy who i love sing me Jesse McCartney's 'Beautiful Soul'
7. play with the children of Africa
8. bring a smile to someone in an orpahanage/old folk's home/ hospital/shelter
9. name one of my kids Keisha and another after my best friend
10. go to America with my auntie n uncle and bring Nicole with me
11. buy a lifetime supply of lollipops for Timothy
12. learn to play drums
13. get Yi Lyn a whole lot of butterfly stuff
14. force Ivan(Tan) to pierce his ear!!(just for kicks)
15. go to Sabah n Sarawak

i've got so many but i guess this is all for the moment. like nicole says, sky is the limit baby!

my life is so ruined

and its all my brother's fault!! first he plans to make me work out and do suicide runs and all so that i'd be fit and hot and then when i say, oh good, i'll look so hot in anything, then he goes and tells me he'll put me in a chastity belt and throw the key away! then he'll follow me around carrying a shotgun. in his head he'll be totally ripped and all and he'll be able to flick the guys away with one finger. a chastity belt is like metal underwear. EEUURRGH.... how gross would that be.. and then i'll NEVER get married either. great just great. my life is OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i HOPE he's just kidding abt it.. please God please God please God please God...

so anyway, my auntie just came back frm the U.S yesterday night and today she's going to port dickson with my cousins.. i would go and get a tan but then i'd need the tiniest bikini anyone has ever seen and then i'd have to stay under the sun for 11 hours before i even turn one shade darker. but then again, my brother won't let me wear a bikini let alone a tiny one and i don't have that kind of time anyway.. haha.. dunno mum says i might get a bikini as long as its not too little material (u know what i mean).. there's one at the bazaar in the curve that i LOVE.. its so cute.. haha.. anyway. yeah if my brother lets me wear that one maybe i might just be able to get married after all.. LOL... there may be some hope after all..

anyhoo i gotta go... byeeee...

whoa..

i actually just realized that my week has been a whole lot better then alot of other people from church today.. example, samantha is now violin teacher-less and yi lyn might be moving to aussie at the end of the year!!!! i was like, whoooaaaa... then nicole came in black-faced (i do NOT know why) and timothy was so quiet which is like so unusual!!!!!!!!!!!!! hello, what is going on here?!?!

anyway.. we joined cells with the 17 year olds and played ''guesstures''! it was so fun, especially when jason did the last act, which was supposed to be ''sexy'' and he did a pamela anderson act which was absolutely hilarious!!!!! hahahaha.... khye shin went first and did the first act, which i thought was brilliant!

i'm pretty sad that yi lyn is going though. i mean, she may not even stay for christmas!! AND i've known her since i was six!!!!!!!!! AND we've all teased her for being the most flexible person in class!! if she goes, who would we tease?!?!!? it so would not be the same. and then if she goes before december she won't even be able to go for dbd! omg... this is disastrous..

i must definitely get the gang together to organize something for her if she leaves.i must! IT WAS WRITTEN.

yet again

time and time again we all get disappointed and we all get let down. so why me more often than not?

whats a girl to do?

i'm pretty sure every girl asks herself this question right? especially when it comes to those creatures who are so difficult to decipher yet oh-so delectable called boys... haha, i'm just kidding.. okay so they aren't exactly delectable.. my mom describes them as "smelly, stinky, moody and sometimes rude." yes, i quite agree but they do have some winning qualities i suppose.... haha.. anyway.. on days when i feel lke being stupid i do my best to comprehend the minds of these things.. and quite honestly i succeed in feeling very stupid indeed... because this is an IMPOSSIBLE task.. and well, i don't know exactly how some girls do it.. i'm serious some girls just wind them round their little finger.. i know some people who have wound some of my good guy friends around their own fingers.. its actually kinda scary.. hmm..

anyway.. sometimes i'm looking at some of my closest guy friends and i can hardly understand what on earth they talk about. its like they have some sort of code or alien language! so.. when it comes to guys.. me blur.. haha.. i was reading a magazine the other day and it was "how to make him yours!" in these big fat block letters. so i thought, hmm, okay, how do americans make boys.. theirs? so there were all these tips u know, like, don't overdo it! hold your gaze, smile and look away. don't get overfriendly. don't be desperate. i'm like, heck, how on earth do u be overfriendly?!?!?! it just doesn't make sense to me. owh well. i may never understand. and i probably won't until God tells me how their minds work! hahaha...

peace out ppl..

freedom!!

its true i tell u, i'm free!!!!!!!!!! my last exam has just ended and i'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mua ha ha.. so anyway.. haha something pretty funny happened at school today.. michelle and anysa were talking (which was really strange) and then this girl melissa was in between them outside the hall so right then i knew something was up. my good friends, sarveen, kameny n sumathi wanted to see if they would fight or what, which was so funny because i asked them why and kameny said "they fight very exciting wan!! got slapping and all!!" i laughed so hard my tummy still hurts. and then i continued to laugh the rest of the day. i couldn't breathe, i was laughing too much.

i love doing that u know. laughing so hard u cry and ur stomach hurts. i don't do it as often as i did back in primary school. i miss laughing till i cry!!!! its really fun u know..

i'm sure i don't have to tell u guys that right? haha.. anyway i gotta go already.. yeah my posts r getting shorter and shorter.. and less meaningful.. haha.. and less colourful right.. too lazy to change the colours and all that.. used to hv loads of time haha.. okay.. byeeee...

blogger-mania

really! its bloggermania.. just abt everyone's got a blog.. tim n philly too, except they don't really use theirs.. heck, even narrowstreet has a blog! yay.. all u ppl hu don't read it, its at nst777.blogspot.com ... yes yes.. aah.. like philly says... i'm just jobless..

today i my last day of exams, yippeeee!! then, nxt week, good luck n God bless to all the pmr takers and then after that, good luck n God bless to the spm takers like my brother! mua hahaha.. oops gott go.

what the..

i'm actually supposed to be studying now cause today i've got sejarah(history) exam, but... hahaha...i'm just waiting for my mom to come out of the bath cause she's fetching me to school.. and then i'm probably gonna scrape my test haha... scraping the bottom of the barrel..omg its so hot here... i'm sitting here and the fan is not working and i feel all itchy in my school uniform and bleeaagh.... >.<

i wonder what life is like in the USA? or even in canada os new zealand or whatver. hmm.. i can only imagine i guess. i can go to US after spm if i get good results. yay me! my aunty n grandma will sponsor me. my aunty is coming back this saturday! i can't wait i miss her loads. she got me a madea cd!!! its this amazing comedian who's supposed to be an old lady named madea. if i can i'll upload a short video so u guys can see. she appeared on oprah.

okay i gotta go mum's done. byeee..

running the risks

what a day.. i know its only 4.43pm now, but i feel like its gone by already... anyway.. went to church this morning but could barely concentrate cause it was too cold.. tze quan can testify to that.. haha.. then ate at the cafeteria in church.. waited for my dad to come pick us up and went to the restaurant when he did... ate some more when we got there cause we didn't have enough to eat at church, i felt anyway so we had kfc.. very fattening.. erk! haha.. anyway then came home n took a nap.. woke up n did my homework.. bleagh.. then here i am writing in my blog.. as the bible doth says : sunday is a day of rest. well, okay so it doesn't say that but it says u gotta rest some time right?? haha.. so i guess that this is my resting time eh.. oops i gotta go my good friend philly want me to check out an article he sent to me. toodles!

favourite songs - yay!

come come let's go thru all my friend's favourite songs... hahaha.. first off, nicole's.. erm.. i totally have no idea right now.. she changes favourite songs every other day.. *sighz* anyway! yi lyn's is.. well, i only know her favourite song in church which is 'I love you Lord'.. goes like this..

I LOVE YOU LORD
i love you Lord
and i lift my voice to worship you
all my soul rejoice
take joy my King in what you hear
let it be a sweet sweet song in your ear

let the love of my sweet Saviour
come and flood your heart with joy
like a fresh and flowing river
that your life would be restored
let the worries of tomorrow
wash away forevermore
and the song that stays shall be

okay so thats yi lyn's fav.. let's see.. sammy's fav! its the same as mine 'ain't no other man' by Christina aguilera *she rocks!* i have all the lyrics!

AIN'T NO OTHER MAN
i could feel it from the start
couldn't stand to be apart
something bout you caught my eye
something moving deep inside

i don't know what you did boy but you had it
and i've been hooked ever since

told my mother my brother my sister and my friends
told the others my lovers both past and present tinse
that everytime i see you everything starts making sense

ain't no other man can stand up next to you ain't no other man on the planet does what you do
you're the kinda guy a girl finds in a blue moon
you got soul you got class you got style you're a bad***
ain't no other man its true (alright) ain't no other man but you

never thought i'd be alright(no no no)
till you came and changed my life(yeah yeah yeah)
what was cloudy now is clear you're the light that i need here
you got what i want boy and i want it
so keep giving it up

so tell your mother your brother your sister and our fiends
tell the others your lovers better not be present tense
cause i want everyone to know that you are mine and no one else's

*chorus*

ain't no other ain't ain't no other other
ain't no other ain't ain't no other lover
ain't no other i i i need no other
ain't no other man but you boy

you are there when i'm a mess
talked me down from every ledge
give me strength boy you're he best
you're the only one who's ever passed every test

*chorus 2times*

so there we have sammy's fav song.. mine would be a fallout boy number.. 'a little less than sixteen candles a little more touch me'.. long title right.. i love it!

A LITTLE LESS THEN 16 CANDLES A LITTLE MORE 'TOUCH ME'

i confess i messed up dropping i'm sorry like you're still around
and i know you dressed up hey kid you'll never live this down
cause you're just the girl all the boys wanna dance with
and i'm just a boy who's had too many chances
i'm sleeping on your folk's porch again dreaming she said she said she said
why don't you just drop dead

i don't blame you for being you but you can't blame me for hating it
so say what are you waiting for kiss her kiss her
i set my clock's early cause i know i'm always late

write me off give up on me cause darling what did you expect
i'm just off a lost cause a long shot
don't even take this bet
you can make all the moves you can aim all the spotlights get all the sighs and the moans just right

*pre-chorus*
*chorus*

always always on (you said you'd keep me honest)
always always on (but i won't call you on it)
always always on

*chorus*

back to the drawing board

yep, its back to the drawing board for me. i thought i was over my self defeatance, thought i'd won the battle, but it turns out i still fight it. i shall call this - kate's syndrome.

yeah yeah i know i sound stupid. sorry! haha.. its just that my best friend told me, hey, stop being so self defeating and you will do beter. well, i'm so accustomed to doing it i dunno how to stop. its difficult when everyone else is so much better. if i get good at something i have to constantly remind myself that there's someone out there who's prettier than me, smarter than me, more interesting than me. i've done it all my life. how do i stop now?

i guess i can always try to tell myself all the good things. somehow, i find it hard because i'm not reassured of it. like, nobody really tells me, oh ur so smart or, oh, ur so pretty. if i have to keep telling myself that, i get scared that i'll start being really obnoxious. but if ppl remind me of it, somehow i feel better.

i guess i got low self esteem. *sighz* if anyone wonders how i keep myself 'looking' so upbeat and happy all the time, i dunno either! my head's full of poisonous thoughts but i guess its God who really protects me from them. i'm glad for that but i wanna stop the thought as well. how? how. i ask myself all the time and i dunno how.

hey sexy (oops, i mean skinny) lady

'its common practice that after a few stints in hospital with an eating disorder you would be shipped off to the psychiatric ward, be it an adolescent or adult one. ... my psychiatrists at Monash told me to write letters to my anorexia thinking this would help me to identify my illness. the truth is, the more letters i wrote to my anorexia, the sicker i became. .. there seemed to be no solution. i was getting worse.'

these are the words of Bronte Cullis at the almost-peak of her anorexia. she is now 20-something years old and was diagnosed with anorexia at 15 years old. thankfully she has recovered and has a book called 'Bronte's story'. she lives to tell her story and hopefully sufferers will pick this up.

this is the typical everyday of many teenagers who suffer from anorexia or even bulimia. (ps: anorexia is when u starve urself and bulimia is when u make urself throw up) unfortunately, this has become a norm all over the world, even right here in malaysia. as a matter of fact there is a girl in my school who is rumoured *take note* to be bulimic. if its not ture, thank God. if it is, what can we do to prevent this from happening? we can try to learn more about this illness.

most people perceive anprexia and bulimia to overcome people who are weak, stupid, obsessed with looks and people who just think they're fat and are looking for an easy way out. well, instead of labeling and stigmatizing these people, lets learn to try to understand them and try to help them while we're at it. imagine if u were one of them (i hope ur not) and u were being pushed aside because nobody bothers to try to undestand you. wouldn't u be so upset, so triggered to try to get even more attention? i would.

so let's try not to develop all these negative mindsets towards these people, after all they are people too. God bless. byee..

perfect disaster

i know the title sounds bad but its not, really. hahah.. actually, i was just thinking about something in my exam today (yes yes i know i'm not supposed to be thinking of other stuf, hehe) and after a while, i came to realise that : the world is really ugly in comparison to when my mum was a kid. i'm serious?!?! is rubbish everywhere a beautiful sight? are stick thin models with ribs sticking out beautiful? are dead newborns lying on the side of the road an awesome sight? don't you think its just really really sad? i think so.

anyway, gimme a response ppl! ghosties.. whoever u are.. other than sammie, philly n ivan... lol.. byee..