my life is so ruined

and its all my brother's fault!! first he plans to make me work out and do suicide runs and all so that i'd be fit and hot and then when i say, oh good, i'll look so hot in anything, then he goes and tells me he'll put me in a chastity belt and throw the key away! then he'll follow me around carrying a shotgun. in his head he'll be totally ripped and all and he'll be able to flick the guys away with one finger. a chastity belt is like metal underwear. EEUURRGH.... how gross would that be.. and then i'll NEVER get married either. great just great. my life is OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i HOPE he's just kidding abt it.. please God please God please God please God...

so anyway, my auntie just came back frm the U.S yesterday night and today she's going to port dickson with my cousins.. i would go and get a tan but then i'd need the tiniest bikini anyone has ever seen and then i'd have to stay under the sun for 11 hours before i even turn one shade darker. but then again, my brother won't let me wear a bikini let alone a tiny one and i don't have that kind of time anyway.. haha.. dunno mum says i might get a bikini as long as its not too little material (u know what i mean).. there's one at the bazaar in the curve that i LOVE.. its so cute.. haha.. anyway. yeah if my brother lets me wear that one maybe i might just be able to get married after all.. LOL... there may be some hope after all..

anyhoo i gotta go... byeeee...

whoa..

i actually just realized that my week has been a whole lot better then alot of other people from church today.. example, samantha is now violin teacher-less and yi lyn might be moving to aussie at the end of the year!!!! i was like, whoooaaaa... then nicole came in black-faced (i do NOT know why) and timothy was so quiet which is like so unusual!!!!!!!!!!!!! hello, what is going on here?!?!

anyway.. we joined cells with the 17 year olds and played ''guesstures''! it was so fun, especially when jason did the last act, which was supposed to be ''sexy'' and he did a pamela anderson act which was absolutely hilarious!!!!! hahahaha.... khye shin went first and did the first act, which i thought was brilliant!

i'm pretty sad that yi lyn is going though. i mean, she may not even stay for christmas!! AND i've known her since i was six!!!!!!!!! AND we've all teased her for being the most flexible person in class!! if she goes, who would we tease?!?!!? it so would not be the same. and then if she goes before december she won't even be able to go for dbd! omg... this is disastrous..

i must definitely get the gang together to organize something for her if she leaves.i must! IT WAS WRITTEN.

yet again

time and time again we all get disappointed and we all get let down. so why me more often than not?

whats a girl to do?

i'm pretty sure every girl asks herself this question right? especially when it comes to those creatures who are so difficult to decipher yet oh-so delectable called boys... haha, i'm just kidding.. okay so they aren't exactly delectable.. my mom describes them as "smelly, stinky, moody and sometimes rude." yes, i quite agree but they do have some winning qualities i suppose.... haha.. anyway.. on days when i feel lke being stupid i do my best to comprehend the minds of these things.. and quite honestly i succeed in feeling very stupid indeed... because this is an IMPOSSIBLE task.. and well, i don't know exactly how some girls do it.. i'm serious some girls just wind them round their little finger.. i know some people who have wound some of my good guy friends around their own fingers.. its actually kinda scary.. hmm..

anyway.. sometimes i'm looking at some of my closest guy friends and i can hardly understand what on earth they talk about. its like they have some sort of code or alien language! so.. when it comes to guys.. me blur.. haha.. i was reading a magazine the other day and it was "how to make him yours!" in these big fat block letters. so i thought, hmm, okay, how do americans make boys.. theirs? so there were all these tips u know, like, don't overdo it! hold your gaze, smile and look away. don't get overfriendly. don't be desperate. i'm like, heck, how on earth do u be overfriendly?!?!?! it just doesn't make sense to me. owh well. i may never understand. and i probably won't until God tells me how their minds work! hahaha...

peace out ppl..

freedom!!

its true i tell u, i'm free!!!!!!!!!! my last exam has just ended and i'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mua ha ha.. so anyway.. haha something pretty funny happened at school today.. michelle and anysa were talking (which was really strange) and then this girl melissa was in between them outside the hall so right then i knew something was up. my good friends, sarveen, kameny n sumathi wanted to see if they would fight or what, which was so funny because i asked them why and kameny said "they fight very exciting wan!! got slapping and all!!" i laughed so hard my tummy still hurts. and then i continued to laugh the rest of the day. i couldn't breathe, i was laughing too much.

i love doing that u know. laughing so hard u cry and ur stomach hurts. i don't do it as often as i did back in primary school. i miss laughing till i cry!!!! its really fun u know..

i'm sure i don't have to tell u guys that right? haha.. anyway i gotta go already.. yeah my posts r getting shorter and shorter.. and less meaningful.. haha.. and less colourful right.. too lazy to change the colours and all that.. used to hv loads of time haha.. okay.. byeeee...

blogger-mania

really! its bloggermania.. just abt everyone's got a blog.. tim n philly too, except they don't really use theirs.. heck, even narrowstreet has a blog! yay.. all u ppl hu don't read it, its at nst777.blogspot.com ... yes yes.. aah.. like philly says... i'm just jobless..

today i my last day of exams, yippeeee!! then, nxt week, good luck n God bless to all the pmr takers and then after that, good luck n God bless to the spm takers like my brother! mua hahaha.. oops gott go.

what the..

i'm actually supposed to be studying now cause today i've got sejarah(history) exam, but... hahaha...i'm just waiting for my mom to come out of the bath cause she's fetching me to school.. and then i'm probably gonna scrape my test haha... scraping the bottom of the barrel..omg its so hot here... i'm sitting here and the fan is not working and i feel all itchy in my school uniform and bleeaagh.... >.<

i wonder what life is like in the USA? or even in canada os new zealand or whatver. hmm.. i can only imagine i guess. i can go to US after spm if i get good results. yay me! my aunty n grandma will sponsor me. my aunty is coming back this saturday! i can't wait i miss her loads. she got me a madea cd!!! its this amazing comedian who's supposed to be an old lady named madea. if i can i'll upload a short video so u guys can see. she appeared on oprah.

okay i gotta go mum's done. byeee..

running the risks

what a day.. i know its only 4.43pm now, but i feel like its gone by already... anyway.. went to church this morning but could barely concentrate cause it was too cold.. tze quan can testify to that.. haha.. then ate at the cafeteria in church.. waited for my dad to come pick us up and went to the restaurant when he did... ate some more when we got there cause we didn't have enough to eat at church, i felt anyway so we had kfc.. very fattening.. erk! haha.. anyway then came home n took a nap.. woke up n did my homework.. bleagh.. then here i am writing in my blog.. as the bible doth says : sunday is a day of rest. well, okay so it doesn't say that but it says u gotta rest some time right?? haha.. so i guess that this is my resting time eh.. oops i gotta go my good friend philly want me to check out an article he sent to me. toodles!

favourite songs - yay!

come come let's go thru all my friend's favourite songs... hahaha.. first off, nicole's.. erm.. i totally have no idea right now.. she changes favourite songs every other day.. *sighz* anyway! yi lyn's is.. well, i only know her favourite song in church which is 'I love you Lord'.. goes like this..

I LOVE YOU LORD
i love you Lord
and i lift my voice to worship you
all my soul rejoice
take joy my King in what you hear
let it be a sweet sweet song in your ear

let the love of my sweet Saviour
come and flood your heart with joy
like a fresh and flowing river
that your life would be restored
let the worries of tomorrow
wash away forevermore
and the song that stays shall be

okay so thats yi lyn's fav.. let's see.. sammy's fav! its the same as mine 'ain't no other man' by Christina aguilera *she rocks!* i have all the lyrics!

AIN'T NO OTHER MAN
i could feel it from the start
couldn't stand to be apart
something bout you caught my eye
something moving deep inside

i don't know what you did boy but you had it
and i've been hooked ever since

told my mother my brother my sister and my friends
told the others my lovers both past and present tinse
that everytime i see you everything starts making sense

ain't no other man can stand up next to you ain't no other man on the planet does what you do
you're the kinda guy a girl finds in a blue moon
you got soul you got class you got style you're a bad***
ain't no other man its true (alright) ain't no other man but you

never thought i'd be alright(no no no)
till you came and changed my life(yeah yeah yeah)
what was cloudy now is clear you're the light that i need here
you got what i want boy and i want it
so keep giving it up

so tell your mother your brother your sister and our fiends
tell the others your lovers better not be present tense
cause i want everyone to know that you are mine and no one else's

*chorus*

ain't no other ain't ain't no other other
ain't no other ain't ain't no other lover
ain't no other i i i need no other
ain't no other man but you boy

you are there when i'm a mess
talked me down from every ledge
give me strength boy you're he best
you're the only one who's ever passed every test

*chorus 2times*

so there we have sammy's fav song.. mine would be a fallout boy number.. 'a little less than sixteen candles a little more touch me'.. long title right.. i love it!

A LITTLE LESS THEN 16 CANDLES A LITTLE MORE 'TOUCH ME'

i confess i messed up dropping i'm sorry like you're still around
and i know you dressed up hey kid you'll never live this down
cause you're just the girl all the boys wanna dance with
and i'm just a boy who's had too many chances
i'm sleeping on your folk's porch again dreaming she said she said she said
why don't you just drop dead

i don't blame you for being you but you can't blame me for hating it
so say what are you waiting for kiss her kiss her
i set my clock's early cause i know i'm always late

write me off give up on me cause darling what did you expect
i'm just off a lost cause a long shot
don't even take this bet
you can make all the moves you can aim all the spotlights get all the sighs and the moans just right

*pre-chorus*
*chorus*

always always on (you said you'd keep me honest)
always always on (but i won't call you on it)
always always on

*chorus*

back to the drawing board

yep, its back to the drawing board for me. i thought i was over my self defeatance, thought i'd won the battle, but it turns out i still fight it. i shall call this - kate's syndrome.

yeah yeah i know i sound stupid. sorry! haha.. its just that my best friend told me, hey, stop being so self defeating and you will do beter. well, i'm so accustomed to doing it i dunno how to stop. its difficult when everyone else is so much better. if i get good at something i have to constantly remind myself that there's someone out there who's prettier than me, smarter than me, more interesting than me. i've done it all my life. how do i stop now?

i guess i can always try to tell myself all the good things. somehow, i find it hard because i'm not reassured of it. like, nobody really tells me, oh ur so smart or, oh, ur so pretty. if i have to keep telling myself that, i get scared that i'll start being really obnoxious. but if ppl remind me of it, somehow i feel better.

i guess i got low self esteem. *sighz* if anyone wonders how i keep myself 'looking' so upbeat and happy all the time, i dunno either! my head's full of poisonous thoughts but i guess its God who really protects me from them. i'm glad for that but i wanna stop the thought as well. how? how. i ask myself all the time and i dunno how.

hey sexy (oops, i mean skinny) lady

'its common practice that after a few stints in hospital with an eating disorder you would be shipped off to the psychiatric ward, be it an adolescent or adult one. ... my psychiatrists at Monash told me to write letters to my anorexia thinking this would help me to identify my illness. the truth is, the more letters i wrote to my anorexia, the sicker i became. .. there seemed to be no solution. i was getting worse.'

these are the words of Bronte Cullis at the almost-peak of her anorexia. she is now 20-something years old and was diagnosed with anorexia at 15 years old. thankfully she has recovered and has a book called 'Bronte's story'. she lives to tell her story and hopefully sufferers will pick this up.

this is the typical everyday of many teenagers who suffer from anorexia or even bulimia. (ps: anorexia is when u starve urself and bulimia is when u make urself throw up) unfortunately, this has become a norm all over the world, even right here in malaysia. as a matter of fact there is a girl in my school who is rumoured *take note* to be bulimic. if its not ture, thank God. if it is, what can we do to prevent this from happening? we can try to learn more about this illness.

most people perceive anprexia and bulimia to overcome people who are weak, stupid, obsessed with looks and people who just think they're fat and are looking for an easy way out. well, instead of labeling and stigmatizing these people, lets learn to try to understand them and try to help them while we're at it. imagine if u were one of them (i hope ur not) and u were being pushed aside because nobody bothers to try to undestand you. wouldn't u be so upset, so triggered to try to get even more attention? i would.

so let's try not to develop all these negative mindsets towards these people, after all they are people too. God bless. byee..

perfect disaster

i know the title sounds bad but its not, really. hahah.. actually, i was just thinking about something in my exam today (yes yes i know i'm not supposed to be thinking of other stuf, hehe) and after a while, i came to realise that : the world is really ugly in comparison to when my mum was a kid. i'm serious?!?! is rubbish everywhere a beautiful sight? are stick thin models with ribs sticking out beautiful? are dead newborns lying on the side of the road an awesome sight? don't you think its just really really sad? i think so.

anyway, gimme a response ppl! ghosties.. whoever u are.. other than sammie, philly n ivan... lol.. byee..

all the small things

okay, i know yesterday's entry was really happy right? scrub that, today is so sucky. i'm waititng to go to school now so i decided to post whats wrong with my life right at this moment now. just to let go of it.

1. my best friend likes the guy i like and guess what he likes her (surprise surprise)
2. kenny asked yi lyn to dance for church dedication which means i'm not good enough for him
3. i want to be a designer but my dad says i should do something that 'uses my brains'
4. my brother and my sister are smarter than me
5. the OTHER guy i like is not talkingto me and i don't know why
6. all these problems seem petty compared to what others have suffered

see, my life is perfect. i gotta go.

good friends, good family.. who could ask for more?

i mean it!!! ooh, and while we're at it, let's draw up a list of my favourite things..

MY FAVOURITE THINGS
1. my family
2. my friends (u fiends!)
3. my dogs (princess and bailey)
3. rufus of kim possible!
4. anything with toasted cheese on it.. anything with cheese!
5. dancing (ballet, modern, etc)
6. handling the rough stuff (sometimes)
7. camping out
8. eating!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah baby yeah!
9. the colours green, pink and purple (green and pink in electric!)
10. last but not least, my Jesus!

yep yep yep! and don't worry philly, i didn't call u a ghost. :p and my 'husband' appears to have divorced me. oh noooo!! ;( cry loh..

kidding.. actually i dunno.. last week he said something like tht.. haha... byee..

nothing in particular

yep... this blog post is about nothing in particular.. hahaha.. come.. let us think of a topic.. how about one tht most ppl think about.. a funny little thing called lurve.. lol.. not like i got anything to say about it.. haha.. i got lotsa love.. i got family love.. friends love.. God's love.. lotsa lotsa love.. hahah.. i wonder who depends on boyfriends and girlfriends all the time.. hmm.. maybe ppl like paris hilton.. PATHETIC... haha..

all my friends (most of them) hv got bf's.. er, i dunno if any of my guy friends got gf's..haha... er, tim? ivan? philly? nah.. haha.. kiddin guys.. i guess i don't really need a bf at the moment right? haha...i'm not tht independant.. but i'm not tht dependant anyway.. haha..

anyway, i'm getting bored.. i'm gonna go.. maybe study.. thats so not likely.. haha.. kk.. byee, u ghosts hu read this blog.. other than philly n sammy.. haha.. byeee..

doughnuts!! with filling!

i got a new dress!!! haha... its white and flowy and pretty.... i like it i like it! lol.. going abit high now.. just went for prayer meeting.. totally awesome.. supposed to be studying but i wanted to write down some stuff first. gotta go back to church at 2.oopm anyway. so i'm doing three things at one time, reading my geo book, looking for a map and writing in this blog. lol!
anyway, i actually was gonna write about something my friend just talked to me about.

originality.

wat comes to mind when someone says that word to u? kooky, eccentric eople who collect dog bones for a living? being urself by trying to make a new trend? wat is the true meaning of originality? if u ask me, i don't know either. we're all in the process of finding ourselves and finding out who we really are. who are you and who am i? who's that woman on the street and who's that man staring out of hs apartment window? i don't know and neither do u. but to find ourselves we must ask ourselves who do we want to be? take ur cues from there.

i'm just telling it like it is. my friend was getting fussed abt her own blog, saying that if her blog didn't look nice no one would read it and then what would be the point of maintaining it? well.. then ur blogging counts for nothing if it only looks nice. its like a good looking doughnut. doughnuts are only good with filling! if it just looks good but there's no substance in it, wats the point? no jam, no custard? its the end of the world i tell u!!

so friends, ponder this point - who are you and what makes you you? who do you want to be?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

LUKAS ROSSI WON ROCKSTAR SUPERNOVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4 days of madness

4 days of madness : the hardest thing to govern is the heart.

anyone wanna take a wild guess where that came from? haha.. thats right.. elizabeth 1.. i wanna watch it.. it hasn't aired on hallmark yet.. lol.. rockstar supernova is on now... i hope toby wins!! he's hot and he rocks! evs! haha.. going nuts i guess.. i think tht either toby or dilana will win.. no lukas please!!!!! lukas fans, kindly restrain urselves frm strangling me, i'd like to live to see my grandkids, thanks very much. hahaha.. rockin..

right now i've got nothing to do.. i should be studying actually.. but but i'm so lazeeeeeeee.... haha. finals are next week. i told my friend khye shin about it and he laughed at me.... haha, nah, he didn't really laugh at me, he flipped his hand and said "aiya, sap sap sui lah that one!!!" i guess thats true for him, he is in college already. haha..

my good friend nicole has been driving me up the walls again. apparently ivan ho sent her a very nice testimonial on friendster and now she's completely over the moon saying "ivan sooooooo hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot!" yeah, imagine someone small n skinny squeaking it out and u'll know why its driving me crazy. its really quite annoying sometimes. ivan ho! don't do anything sweet anymore unless u want me to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway.. i gtg.. rockstar is back on.. will say hu the winner is! oh crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!toby is going home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what she said

wow, today is a great day.. first off, i actually can understand my geography now!! i mean, woweeeee... hahah.. then my mum n dad wanna take me to a sale.. *score!* so i get to skip school. *walla walla woot woot* anyway. i just got home from my geography class, and my mum n i had lunch. mum was reading an article in the newspaper of Fergie Ferguson of the Black Eyed Peas. now, all you boys out there who thinks fergie is hot? yeah yeah, i know, most of y'all right? okay, now how many of u think tht fergie is no longer a virgin? let me know if u think she is. personally, i don't think she is. now, y'all don't go dissing me for saying this, a'ight? in the star newspaper today, it said : we have heard the amiably dirty, raucous single, London Bridge, though. it's already No.1 in America, where only Anglophiles would recognize the structure in the accompanying video as Tower Bridge. "i knew that,"she insists. "i'm not saying its about the London bridge , its just a London bridge."
London or Tower, the song is pretty unambiguous. its hard to hear the chorus - "how come everytime you come around i go down like London London bridge?" - as anything but sexual. but despite having co-written the song, fergie seems ambivalent about being perceived as sexy. US magazine People declared her one of the "50 most beautiful people in the world" in 2004, and she habitually wears tops that reveal incredibly taut limbs and stomach. but she seems preoccupied by the fear that people will get the wrong idea about her.
she raises the subject again later saying she would like to be a "role model" for girls who might be coerced into having sex too early. "i don't sleep around and i don't want to show girls that you don't have to give it away - it should be a precious gift." fair enough."

well.. draw your own conclusions.. i mean, come on. what do you think?

on my way down..

what a day.. i'm beat but not exactly sleepy, know what i mean? owh well.. i think that if u don't think about it too much, it kind of makes u get used to it. yeah yeah i know, crappin again right? hahaha.. get used to it baby!!! *cackles* cough cough.. can't cackle.. oops! hahah.. i guess first off i should say who i am right? i'm kate.. i'm 14 years old and i live in malaysia.. looks pretty BIG from where i am.. hahah.. if u look it up on a map, we look like a mango. thats what i'm told anyway. i've got good friends, good family. although sometimes even my best friend gets to me. mum says i let people get to me too easily. i'm easily annoyed but i don't show it. mum says that i have a very looooooooooooooooooooooong 'fuse'.... it means i don't 'explode' so fast unlike SOME people i know. (-_0) i don't think its so long anymore. i think so anyway.. mum says no lah! still very long. *shakes head* i am made a doormat, it seems. why oh why me?!?! okay thats enough self pity for one day. i don't believe in wallowing in self pity for long periods of time. one moan, some chicken soup and a bit of soul-searching and you'll be just fine! haha..
tim still hasn't given me my letter.. he may have forgotten. i'm quite sure he has... hmmm... tim.. i'm watching you.. yeah u bet i am.. O.O hahah.. kay.. i'm gonna go now.. gonna sleep.. got a crash course on geography tomorrow morning.. AAARGH!! just kidding.. don't worry, i ain't dead yet.. too early to die! byeee!!

wow!

this is so cool! i got my own blog. okay okay i hv made several attempts already. just hope this one doesn't fail! owh, crap, i gtg. post later! see ya peeps!

love, katie