imprints on your brain

today i went over to sammie's house in hopes of going swimming when ivan, nikki, mel and khai came over. but no go. they were all TOO LAZY. lazy mugs. XP anyway. we ended up watching the notebook and you know what?

RYAN GOSLING IS SO HOT. SO SO HOT. OMIGOSH OMIGOSH.

incredible.

anyway. its such a sweet movie. a must watch with a boyfriend. lol. we spent the first half hour of the movie gawping and squealing and making stupid comments. nicole fell asleep so we got out the mayonaise (she HATES mayonaise) and mel squirted a leetle bit on her face and she woke up screaming,"WHAT IS THAT!!" than she tried to smear it on everybody else. it was so funny. and just for the record, I SUGGESTED WHIPPED CREAM, NOT MAYONAISE. THAT WAS MEL!

okay. we spent the rest of the time watching one tree hill, the episode where there was the shooting, like the Columbine shooting. it was such a sad episode, but there was so much truth in it. i mean, yeah we're all guilty of ignoring someone or putting someone down *intentional or not* one time or another, right? but why should some people get this kind of "bullying" more than others? its not fair. they are humans too. they shouldn't have to deal with the crap some of us dish out just because they might not be as smart, they may not be as pretty or handsome, they might not be as skinny or as tall. you know, they didn't exactly ask to be born. neither did we. but here we are anyway. shouldn't we make the most of what God has given us? shouldn't we try to make this world that we live in a better place? i'm not talking about the earth. i'm talking about our world. we all live in our own worlds, shouldn't we make it better for not only ourselves, but for everyone around us? by doing that, maybe we could actually change lives.

another thing that has got me thinking real hard. jimmy (the shooter) said that once, when he od'd on antidepressants he had to go to the hospital and all that for a while, a week or something like that. but when he came back to school it was like nothing changed. like he was never there anyway. nobody missed him. it shouldn't be that way.

if i got sick, if i suddenly disappeared, even if i (God forbid) died, would i be missed? would my absence be noticed, would things be different? more importantly, did i make enough of an impression on anybody's life for them to miss me when i'm gone? did i make anyone's life better? did i make it worse? would people be sad if i was gone or would they be happier? or would they not notice that i'm gone at all?

if i know my friends and my family well enough, i know that i have made an impression on their lives. but what if i didn't?

so you tell me. did i make an impression on your life? would you remember me when i'm gone?

"i am a question to the world. not an answer to the earth." -john rzeznik, i'm still here