woot.

no reason to rejoice. no reason to celebrate. no reason to feel happy. no reason to scream.

who says eh?

I GOT NUMBER ONE IN CLASS.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ISAAC.

I HAVE DINNER WITH ISAAC, PHILLY, BEN AND INESSA SATURDAY NIGHT.

I GET A TUB OF NEW ZEALAND NATURAL ICE CREAM TOMORROW.

I SAW THE HOTTEST GUY EVER AT SCHOOL TODAY.

MY FUTURE LOOKS PRETTY BRIGHT.

I NEED TO PEE.

oops. forget the last one.

yay! :D

@.@

apparently i called benjamin (from church) a retarded reindeer.

I DON'T REMEMBER.

oh well. he said that if he ever needs a mascot, he's got one. XD

anyway. anysa, i hate you. jamie is tres gorgeoussissimo. I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU.. introduce me! *hee hee* BUT apparently, mr jamie has THE hot boday, THE hot looks but has not THE sexy voice. WAKAKAK I TOLD YOU GOD HAD A SENSE OF HUMOUR!

anysa says he has the voice of a pre pubescent boy.

OMG! *laughs*

glitter

whee.. *sparkle sparkle*

i saw an infinite amount of glittery confetti today on the brit awards. it didn't seem to end. nobody could see the performer (corinne bailey rae) behind all that glittery confetti! it was amazing, where did they get THAT much of glittery golden confetti? it amazes me. @.@ and corinne must have had LOADS of hair spray, i mean, there was a TONNE of that glittery stuff in her afro do. i'm serious! it was crazy. oh, the things that make me gawp.

the brit awards are SO COOL. like, the first act was the scissor sisters. scott says their the gayest band in the world. i think they're cooooooooool. :P all those costumes. and the (GASP) GLITTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes. glitter. whoohoo. then, there were performances from the killers. snow patrol. amy winehouse. corinne bailey rae. oasis. i don't remember the rest. and the mc was the most awesomely gayest guy you could think of. the brits truly have no shame.

I LOVE THEM! don't you?

ooh. and mr steven tylor was there too. awesome. *grins*

what kills me

-the sound of something rubbing against a balloon.

-the fact that you're an absolute idiot. (you don't know who you are)

-larr larr-ness!! berjaya times square almost made me jump off the top of the kl tower.

-throwing up.

-watching people throw up.

-people who think they can sing but they really can't but they insist of singing out loud anyway.

-the sound of styrofoam rubbing against another piece of styrofoam.

-my science teacher. GRRR!

-people who have everything complaining.

-britney spears.

-clothes that make me look fat. ><>

-those girls in my school who stare and ogle at guys like cavepeople. jakun betul!

-coffee. blech.

-soppy soap operas like general hospital, FASHION HOUSE*muahaha ivan*, etc. and laguna beach SUCKS.

-stupid teenagers in "my super sweet sixteen" *says in high squeaky voice,"i don't wave to people, people wave to meeee.." *vomit vomit*

-the fact that the things i want are way WAY too expensive. mom says i have expensive taste. yay me?

-the fact that I CAN'T PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS! YAARRGH! i have no patience with instruments. *snuffle*

thats all for now i guess. there are alot more, people, things, places but i don't think i should. :)

:p

*bluekk* i have been bored. people have probably been skipping the name of my blog in the box up there that says "window" that shows you all the websites you visit frequently.

my apologies! ><

nothing's been really going on. so i haven't really got something to blog about. oh. nicole was jumping inf ront of people saying in a super squeaky voice "HI! I'M HIGHLY FLAMMABLE!". so that they didn't freak out, i was "assigned" by pei ling to babysit her. nicole went HIIIGGHHH. XD i went around apologizing to the people she was busy terrorising. hahaha.. no hard feelings nikki, yah know i'm kidding.

hm. last week's resonate was pretty awesome. pastor daniel spoke and it was awesome! haha...

oh. i gotta run. more tomorrow.. or maybe the day after.. or the day after.. whatever! bye ya'll.

laugh

i have blogger's block. yes. laugh, why don't you?!?!><

i'm like a lawyer with the way i'm always trying to get you off (me+you)

Last year's wishes
Are this year's apologies
Every last time I come home
I take my last chance
To burn a bridge or two
I only keep myself this sick in the head
Cause I know how the words get you

We're the new face of failure
Prettier and younger but not any better off
Bulletproof loneliness
At best, at best

Me and you
Setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you
If I woke up next to you
Me and you
Setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you
If I woke up next to you

Collect the bad habits
That you couldn't bare to keep
Out of the woods but I love
A tree I used to lay beneath
Kiss teeth stained red
From a sour bottle baby girl
With eyes the size of baby worlds

We're the new face of failure
Prettier and younger but not any better off
Bulletproof loneliness
At best, at best

Me and you
Setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you
If I woke up next to you
Me and you
Setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you
If I woke up next to you
Me and you
Setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you
If I woke up next to you
Me and you
Setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you
If I woke up next to you

The best way
To make it through
With hearts and wrists in tact
Is to realize
Two outta three ain't bad
Ain't bad

Me and you
Setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you
If I woke up next to you
Me and you
(Honeymoon)
Setting in a honeymoon
(In a honeymoon)
Me and you
Setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you
If I woke up next to you
Me and you
Setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you
If I woke up next to you..

FOB!!

cry and weep

"oh. my. gosh. koko! you missed my call! it was from kenny!"

i said his name with an uncertain fear.

"huh? what?"
"i didn't bring my phone to ballet! didn't you hear it?"
"uhm. no."
"aiyaaa! mooomm!"
"what what?"
"kenny called! probably about the auditions!"

heart thumping. holding out hope. desperation creeps in.
if nicole got a part maybe i could've gotten one too.

"call him then. nah, use my phone."
"oh my gosh oh my gosh."

phone rings.
deet deet. deet deet.

"hello?"
"kenny? hi its kate. you called? sorry i didn't pick it up, i was in ballet and i left my phone at home."
"oh! hi kate. no wonder its so late. ah, okay. its about the auditions. the results are out."
"uhhuh? and?"

holding out hope.

"and uh, sorry to say, but you didn't get a part."

too much hope.

"oh."

"yeah, i'm really sorry but thank you for making time to come for the auditions anyway..."

everything just started to fade. kenny turned into a buzzing in my ear. i said "yes" and "uhhuh" when it sounded appropriate. i wasn't listening anymore.

"thanks kenny. bye."

"bye."

"well?"

"i didn't get a part, mom."

"oh."

"yeah. good night"

a lump starts to rise in my throat. quick kate, get out the door. rising higher. just get to your room now. sara is sleeping. i touch my doorknob - and the whole world starts to swim. i didn't get the part. i didn't get any part at all.

i sit in bed and sob. what was i thinking? that i would get the part? that i would get a part? how did that get into my head? why did i think that if maybe nicole could get a part, i could have gotten one too? did i screw up that badly? i try to sleep, try to erase these but they come flooding forth along with pints of tears.

aren't i good enough for them?

aren't i good enough?

all i needed was one chance.

i got that. i screwed it up.

i just had to prove to myself i was good enough. to do this.

but i guess i wasn't.

now what? how am i going to face nicole tomorrow? samantha? marcia? they all thought i would be cool about not getting a part.

but i'm not.

and if they asked if i was okay?

well, i'm not.

what was it i did wrong?

did meegee think i was too stiff?

did may gan think i was terrible?

did kenny think i was too fat?

WHO WHAT WHERE WHEN HOW WHY.

negative crap went through my head, hitting, biting, kicking, slapping me straight in the face. i felt like i was in a barrel being thrown about at sea. kate you're not good enough. not lively enough, not happy enough, not compassionate enough, not pretty enough, not anything enough. boy, the devil sure was having a field day, huh? so i did something i hadn't done in a really really long time.

i prayed.

and i managed to sleep. of course i woke up with puffy eyes. but oh well.

congratulations, everybody who got a part. to everybody who didn't, i'm sorry too. maybe we can be unsung heroes once again. *smiles sadly*

just say the word.

auditions

i was walking into school today and i started to think about my auditions. i thought, did i do well? would i get the part? would i get any part at all? if i didn't what would i do? was i going to freak out or cry or something? and if i did get the part, how was i going to redo my schedule? will the practices interfere with my tuitions and ballet and stuff like that? will there be alot of them, will i be able to make it to them all the time, could i be as commited as i'm expected to be? all these and more were running through my head. and i was thinking back, saying to myself, they should smile more when you go into the audition room. they shouldn't have chosen the piano room, it was too white and felt too much like going into a death room or something. there were to many mirrors, i felt so fat looking at myself in those mirrors. i didn't think i made a good impression. maybe meegee shouldn't have been there. maybe she should have. my pitching went off. was i good enough? was i bad beyond comprehension?

anyway. i was walking along, thinking about all this negative crap, trying to look at the positive and not really being able to find any. i looked around. people were still walking about talking about boys and clothes, doing their schoolwork, last minute homework and i thought, how can the world still go on? i guess it can. the world doesn't stop when you're sad or upset. it keeps going and going and it doesn't stop for you. and tht means, you'll just have to go along with the world, right? sometimes you an take a breather but you always have to go back. go back to the old routines, trying out new ones, maybe succeeding, almost not. but one thig's for sure : i had to tell myself, God's got a plan. and if its part of His plan tht you be in this musical, then you will be in it. if its not, maybe He's got something better in mind for you.

so thats my recap of the auditions. i hope i make it though. i do i do! ><

MY CBOX APPEARS TO NOT BE WORKING! PHILIP! HELP!

anyway. i don't really have much to say here. i have exams starting tomorrow! wah.. T.T who wants to do exams on a SATURDAY? well you gotta say, these people have some brains at least right? they know how to get people to come to school.. aah the evils of school. and mine is the only school having class tomorrow!!even my bm teacher said they're crazy.

i have auditions tomorrow too. auditions!!!! scary. ><>

i'm having blogger's block again. anysa suggested i start a blog writing random topic essays in it. i think i will!