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    Monday, September 29, 2008

    vent vent angst vent.

    seriously, don't mind me in this post, i'm just being extremely emo-tised because.. well, i don't know. maybe its hormones.

    anyway, here goes.
    yes. so i tried to organize an outing for ins, ben, isaac and me, seeing tht ben and isaac are probably leaving for the states at the end of the year. and since nes has spm, and i thought (well, silly me) that she wouldn't be able to come out after this week (its a holiday right?), and then right after spm, she's going to hong kong to have a jolly good time at cirque du soleil, well, maybe the four of us could go out for what might just be one last time.

    but no.

    and right now i'm venting all this to ben, sorry ben. just.. let me vent.
    anyway. yes. i mean, no. whatever. no offence whatsoever to inessa, i seriously understand the fact tht yes, you HAVE to study. i'm just upset right now. don't take any of this rubbish to heart. anyway, so ins calls and says that she's got to study and she doesn't wnt to inconvenience her parents... so on and so forth. and right then, i'm feeling REALLY bummed out because, well, you all knw how active my imagination is right, so i was thinking of all the things we could do. so i send out an sms to ben and isaac to tell them the unfortunate news.

    so then isaac smses ONE word : bummer. so to this, i reply, saying maybe we could still go, but the three of us? maybe. and you knw wht he says?!?!
    "your decision."
    i seriously did NOT want to be the only one planning, the only one talking, the only one actually bothering to do something about it because I wanted this, no. i didn't want tht at all. so, me, being extremely mad, just told him to forget it.
    and i guess the whole point of this post is just to vent. but..
    i don't know. i've known you three for a pretty dang long time now. and when ben and isaac go, and when ins leaves for college for a whole new set of different things, i'll be left behind. you guys are three of my oldest (and older) friends.

    i just feel really left behind. you guys are headed for so much bigger things than me. i guess this is the con to having older friends huh.
    anyway. uhm, to those i know now who are my age and younger, its not that i don't appreciate you guys and not that i don't know that you got my back. its not that at all. its more because i've only known some of ya'll (eg. debz, mish, zi lynn, mal) since this year. and even for people like sam and nikki, whom i've known for AGES, its not the same.

    we're not as weird. :P

    anyway. i'm going to leave this here. i'll be back when i'm happier.


    iNezz0r! said...

    What do you mean you're being left behind?

    And I'm speaking on behalf of Isaac and Ben as well.

    How do you think I feel?
    How do you think WE feel?
    Leaving all of THIS behind?

    It isn't a decision we can make.
    It's life; we all have to move on eventually.
    It isn't a choice, it's a given, an eventuality.

    You have to understand that you're not the only one that isn't feeling the pain of letting go.

    katiebaby* said...

    awman. i'm writing this one day after a wrote all tht crap.
    only thing i can say now is yes. i get it now. i didn't earlier, but, quite obviously, i get it now.
    i was just being.. i don't know.

    HORMONAL I BET. sighh.
    i'm sorry.