sometimes its as if i'm someone else watching this girl with my name, my face, my life living it out and sometimes i wanna shout to her and tell her what to do then i wake up and i say hey, thats me. i'm living this life. is this really what i want to be doing about it?
and i wake up everyday and say to myself, why am i going to a school that i don't like to be in, that i don't enjoy? i don't actually have any friends there other than anysa and i can't constantly depend on her for the rest of my schooling life because she's going to another school next year. i wanna be able to wake up everyday and say, hey! i wanna go to school. i want to see my friend(S). i want those kind of thoughts so bad but somehow they don't come.
family life is good. the exception there is is my brother. i love him and all but at times it just feels like he hates me or something. like he wishes i wasn't there, like he wants me to just get lost, you know? and when it comes to MY friends, its like he hates me for just being friends with them. can i help it if i love you guys? i don't say much about his friends. in fact, i LIKE his friends. and some of his friends are mine too. i mean, i understand that, yeah, i'm his little sister and all, but i am human too. and we share the same house, parents, littlest sister, blood and flesh. i wish he'd appreciate me more, the way i do. its hard.
i feel lost in motion. like things are moving so slowly but way too quickly all at the same time and i have no power over it.
its difficult right now. but i'm counting on You to help me back up on my feet. sometimes i have doubts - yes i do - but i will always have my faith.
the devil won't be able to steal my hope, kill my joy and destroy my faith.
i won't let him.