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    Monday, November 03, 2008

    Kateh's Book Review!!

    Clyde : Hello, ladies and gentlemen (or boys), welcome to Kateh's Book Review!! Right now, we are reviewing the best-selling book among teens and teeny-boppers alike, Twilight!! Let's welcome the all-famous Kateh to the stage. Applause!

    -applause from non-existant crowd of adoring fans-

    Hello everyone! Okay, so I've only read half of this oh-so-popular book, Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. It's easy, at first glance, to see how this book became so popular with teens. The plot is simple - girl, here seen by the name of Isabella Swan, preferably known as Bella, moves to new town, girl meets boy, they fall in love, yada yada yada. BUT! Throw in an impossibly gorgeous boy who turns out to be an irresistable VAMPIRE, and hell yeah, girl, you got a best seller!

    So yes, what IS the deal with this book? Well. I've only gotten through half of the book. Not normal for me, I'm usually a pretty fast reader. So what's taking me so long?

    This book is just SO SLOW. My gawd. Snail's pace. Stephenie Meyer seems to pride herself in describing every scene, every day, every-FREAKING-moment in such excruciating detail that after reading six adjectives in the same sentence, one will want to tear their hair out and scream, "OKAY I GET IT!!"


    "Of the three boys, one was big - muscled like a serious weightlifter, with dark curly hair. Another was taller, leaner, but still muscular, and honey blonde. The last was lanky, less bulky, with untidy, bronze-coloured hair. He was more boyish than the others, who looked like they could be in college, or even teachers here rather than students."

    Are you tired yet? And that was only describing half the Cullens.

    Edit :

    Verdict : It is the most sluggish book in the WORLD.

    Yes people. I WILL admit that, yes, Edward Cullen would probably be pretty difficult to resist. He's feisty, mysterious, etc. He seems to have one very major flaw though, in the way Meyer describes him. How does she CONSTANTLY describe him?
    One word, my darlings.


    Look, if i wanted to kiss "cold marble lips" or feel "cold marble arms" wrapped around me, I'll just go make out with a statue, okay? Geez.
    So yes. Why is this book the slowest moving book in the world? Well, three-quarters of the book is dedicated to Edward and Bella's slow courting, followed by :

    "I love you."
    "I love you too."
    "I miss you."
    "I know."
    "Never leave me."
    "I never will."
    "I love you."
    "I know. I love you too."

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH SHUTUP!! And then, when it finally starts to speed up ever so lightly, it only starts speeding up towards the end of the book. Like, when there's two inches of book left. And then, James doesn't kill her.
    I was like, come on James! You go boy! Woot woo- Shit.

    Yeah, she didn't die. But then again, if she did, there wouldn't be any sequels.
    Shit. WHY JAMES WHY?!?!?

    So yes. I'll stop here now because I'm REALLY sleepy, I don't know why. The rant will continue!
    If I feel like it lah. :p


    mayuriml said...


    Omg that was hilarious. And i totally completely 100% agree with you. Draggy boring waste of paper.

    And i LOVED the remark about marble and statues. Freaking hilarious.

    Inessa! said...

    It's so, so, so, sad really.

    If Edward was as "charming" and "dreamy" as the author described him, then why the Hell did he settled for some ordinary chick like Bella for God's sake??

    I mean, he could have ANYONE he wants, but no. It's plain Jane Bella for me. WHAT-THE-SHIT?

    (And he's a hundred-something-year-old vampire with virginity still intact? Srsly.)

    And geez, there's no way I'm believing that vampires stay out of the sunlight because they're SHINY.
    Sure, you're completely entitled to your own view point of vampires, the creatures don't exist.


    I'm going to give this book a serious bashing when I actually read it (for credibility to bash and flame)...
    After SPM. TAT

    But great review.
    I couldn't agree any more than I already do.