tick tock

okay. two more days for it to start. seven more till it ends.

i just realised something. call me stupid, but this exam somewhat symbolises something. something like, it symbolises another hurdle in my life that i have to get over. thsi is a hurdle which challenges me to - how do i say this - to show how smart i am. no wait, thats not right.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN THIS.

aah i'll try tomorrow. i gotta go.

bye!

*cue "jaws" music*

so. 6 more days. no wait, plus five, then.

FREEEDDDOOOMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh happy day. i shall be free in eleven days.

so wish me luck, all of you! i'll need it.

blessings are also mucho mucho appreciated.

:P

i know i've been pretty much MIA for the last few.. uhh, weeks. hehe. well, nothing much has been happening. i'm not as popular or happening as alot of people. nor do i involve myself in as many frivolous activities as some people do. no, i stay home like the good little girl that i am and study. or try to. and sometimes pretend to. and play my music. no, i haven't really been watching tv. nothing much. but i am going to catch "the lakehouse" again after PMR. such a romantic show. *sighs*

i watched the break up last night. funnayy.

OMG and i saw britney perform earlier. in her little bra and briefs. no, it was definitely not a bikini. i would have run away screaming if it were. i should write a letter to her. hm.

"dear miss britney spears,

please kindly refrain from showing your bulges and wobbly bits to the world. i'm fairly sure that half the world has gone blind about now, they're just being nice about it. i believe your co-stars were wearing some sort of special glasses to shield themselves from you and your performance. not that it can be called a "performance", i think william hung could do better. also, please do not expose yourself, for i fear that the younger siblings of the teenagers who watched the VMA's may take it upon themselves to reenact your ordeal. that would be rather disturbing.

P.S. if you can't sing, don't lip sync. it was mightily obvious.

P.S.S. get in shape.

P.S.S.S. how much did you pay your guy dancers to let you fondle them and vice versa?"

there. i'm sure she'll find that letter endearing.

anyway, i've got nothing left to say. XD

oh yeah! ben got a blog. shockerr!

ta!!

:D

5 special (fictional) people who hold very special places in my little heart.

XD

1. Aximili Esgarrouth Isthill. if you guys read the animorph series, you would know who he was. *sniff*
2. duke (channing tatum) from she's the man. other than being (extremely!) sexy, he's also a very sensitive guy. score!
3. jim from treasure planet. cartoon crush!
4. doctor carter (noah wyle) from ER. very endearing character. also cute.
5. mom (jamie lee curtis). from freaky friday. whoo hoo!!

yes, the very details of my almost pathetic life. :P

why can't i get more than two words out of you?!!?

the passion

amazing grace
how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me
i once was lost
but now am found
was blind
but now i see

face twisted in agony. pain wracking his every nerve, muscle, rendering him helpless. almost numb. pain? what pain? oh, there it is.

flash.

his skin is smooth again. but he's tied to something. unable to move. an arm raises a whip. it has hooks on it. strike. pain! strike. pain! every strike took flesh off his back. blood mixed with sweat pours. he cries out. again. and again and again.

flash.

the cross is so heavy. he is fatigued and in pain. lots of pain. nevertheless, he carries on. the crowd jeers at him. the crown of thorns on his head is piercing him everytime he turns. tears stream down his face. are these people - these laughing faces, laughing at his pain - are they really worth dying for? a voice says, "yes." so he carries on.

flash.

a foot long nail is being driven into his palm. the guards bring the hammer down on it. wham! he winces. there's not much else he can do. so he winces and cries with every blow, pushing the nail deeper into his hand. the guards push the cross up. breathing becomes a chore. he is only being held up by the hand. his weight drags him down. the pain is intense, but he no longer feels it.

"father, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing."

he breathes his last. his head hangs. the ordeal is over.

all for us.

so are we worth it? are we worth the blood he was drained of, the tears he shed, the pain he endured? the answer is no. we're not worth it. not a single drop of his blood. yet he died for us.

why do you cry? why do you cry when you see those scenes? he knew it was coming. he gladly did his father's will. he was ready for it. don't cry.

and i'll never know how much it cost
to see my sins upon that cross.

"did it hurt?"
"oohhh yeah. it hurt."
"it sure looked like it did. why'd you do it?"
"simply because i love you. and everyvody else. its sounds kind of stupid, i know. like a dire romantic notion. but its nothing like that. simply because i love you. there's nothing more to it."
"oh. but why? we're no use."
"who says so?"
"i dunno."
"then you are of use."
"well, if you say so then. did you think of me?"
"of course i did."
"but you had to think of everybody else too. how did you manage to fit me in there? there are like, a gazillion other people to think of."
"i know. i'll tell you when i see you, okay?"
"when will that be?"
"soon."
"okay. can i see your scars then? the ones on your hands and feet?"
"sure."
"thanks."

its a question i constantly ask. how did he manage to think of me too? i mean, there are ALOT of others to think of, others even more important than i am. and everyone keeps telling me he died specially for me. how? he can't have died especially for me. then he'd have to die a billion times over. and over. and over again. maybe he did. in his heart, maybe he died again. or maybe during the time he was dying, he thought of everybody and i was on his mind at one point. maybe it was just a fleeting moment. but if i'm worthy enough to be thought of, then i'm good enough. i think so anyway.

:)

thank you, Jesus.